𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄, kai parker

58 insane and narcoleptic

"Of course, I broke into the Oval Office and took a picture of myself looking at the window looking all J.F.K. But then I was like, 'wait. How am I going to get these photos developed?'"

"Oh, my God! Just answer the damn question." Damon Salvatore interrupts a talkative Malachai Parker. He simply brushes off the rudeness and continues to smile at the vampire. "How are we gonna get out of this twilight zone?" But being ever so clever, Kai manages to turn the situation around to Damon. "I got a question for you first. Why do you think we're stuck on a repeating loop of May 10. 1994? Doomed to relive a solar eclipse forever and ever and ever?"

Damon scowls and takes a drink. "How the hell should I know?" Is all he says placing the cup down. "Well, I heard you tell Bonnie this place was your own personal hell. I'm kinda curious why."

Bonnie Bennet walks in casually carrying things specifically requested by the Parker witch. "I found everything you asked for. Can opener, shower drain, grinding wheel, jam, pocket knife, volume 'O' of the encyclopedia, a nail, and a black marker." She dumps the items from her brown bag onto the table in front of Kai. He grins excitedly, everything is working out just right.

"Now what?" Bonnie asks and he looks down at his hands. "Can't show you with my hands taped." She grabs the pocket knife, despite Damon's protests. The siphoner gives her a quick thank you as she joins back over to the vampire's side. "Okay, fine. How's this pile of crap gonna get us out of here?" He asks the man sitting in the chair in front of him.

But Kai Parker is as evil as he is handsome. Always a trick up his sleeve, a way to get what he wants first before anyone else. "I'll explain as soon as you tell me what you did on May 10, 1994."

"What difference does it make?" Damon asks exhaustedly. "Put it this way. Bonnie's magic is one part of the equation. My as yet undisclosed knowledge is the other, which means you would be hitching a ride home for free. I just want to know if you deserve to come along."

The vampire snatches the talkative Parker witch up from his seat by his shirt collar, using the knife he grabbed from Bonnie to poke into Kai's stomach. "Or I could just torture you, until you say something useful." "If you torture me, I'll get mad, and then I won't want to help you." He turns to look at the witch who watches the two males with wide eyes.

"What kind of person needs to have that explained to them?" Kai asks her and she shrugs her shoulders. Damon, begrudgingly mind you, lets him go. Kai giggles to himself as he walks off without a scratch. "Play nice," Bonnie warns Damon who is quick with his remarks. "Stop trying to impress the new guy."

She huffs, clearly annoyed. "Why don't you just tell him your story?" The vampire rolls his eyes. "Maybe because I don't want to talk about the worst thing I ever did, Bonnie."

"Ooh, now I'm listening." Kai remarks as he scoops a handful of jam into his fingers, then shoves it into his mouth.

•••••

Kai lays on the couch fiddling his hands with the jam lid and the can opener. "I need to be entertained while I work." He looks at the vampire who covers his face with his hands. "Hell story, please." He sings loudly.

"Remind me not to kill him," Damon seethes and looks at Bonnie. "Maybe telling him your story will take your mind off of it." "Who's side are you on?"

Kai snorts at the two, which goes unnoticed. They argue like a married couple. He thinks about who he loves to argue with. Evanora.

In total, the Original Twin has been to the prison world a total of 43 times. And each time, they manage to almost kill each other and sometimes they makeout. He likes the making out part.

"The side where we get to go home to the people we love."

"Fine," Damon sighs and continues his story.

But quickly, Kai falls asleep. Not fully, just enough to listen to what Damon is saying. "Perfect, our savior is insane and narcoleptic."

"No, no, no. I'm awake." Kai replies with his eyes closed. "Let me guess- you killed the pregnant woman." He guesses cheekily with a grin. "Shut up, Kai. You weren't listening." The vampire exclaims. "I was listening in my sleep. You were hanging out with your distant nephew Zach, who you called Uncle Zach, because that's not confusing. Plus pregnant lady Gail, who had a big bull's eye on her chest. Got it."

"Tell me you didn't kill a pregnant woman." Bonnie demands, not knowing what to expect. "Oh, that's totally what happened. Why else would today be his personal hell?" Damon snarls and walks forward to crouch down in front of the stranger. "The only reason you're alive right now is because I thought you could get us out of here, and you could help us, but you don't have any answers! You're just a man child with jam on your fingers!" He yells in frustration.

He's had enough of the games and hoops he has to jump through with this guy.

"Okay. To get home, we'll harness the power of the eclipse using a mystical relic. It's called an ascendant, and it looks like this, Damon." He shows off the piece he built from the items Bonnie brought.

"The last time we had it was in the Pacific Northwest. Oregon." Kai places down a book in front of Damon, with Bonnie quick to lean forward. "We?"
The siphoner simply nods, keeping everything nicely wrapped up and vague. "It belonged to my family. So here's a little blood to get you started." He slices his finger open, blood oozing from the cut. "Now all we need is a locator spell to pinpoint its whereabouts." He stands up from his seat on the couch.

Damon Salvatore stands up immediately after him. "Think you can find our ticket out of here, Bon Bon?"

"Hell yeah."