Krishnapriya Devashree

105. Into the Dark

Recap....

Devashree and Krishna finally confronted the storm that had long brewed between them. In that conversation, Devashree laid her heart bare with every wound, every truth she had swallowed in silence.They were a mirror held up to Krishna's soul, forcing him to face the reflection he had long avoided. She had laid herself bare.

And in doing so, she had reminded even the eternal and immortal when wounded, can weep like any mortal heart.

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Devashree's pov

I was expecting this, but not this....so soon.

I had just returned to my chamber after the massive argument with Krishna. My face was wet with tears, my chest still heaving with ragged breaths, and the last thing I wanted was for my mother to witness me like this. But here we are.

She was calmly sitting on the bed when I barged in.

"Ma," I croaked, trying to straighten myself, to hide the storm on my face, but the effort was futile. Her eyes, sharp and tender all at once, had already read me through.

For a moment, she said nothing.....just watched. 

"Devashree, putri why are you doing this to yourself?"

What? 

"Devashree, you have just given birth. You are in your happiest phase in life, then why are you running away from your husband like this?

Excuse me? That hit me harder than Krishna's words had.

I blinked at her, the disbelief bubbling into a bitter laugh. "Happiest phase?" I repeated, my voice hoarse. "Is that what you think this is, Ma? That I am glowing with joy while my heart feels like it's been torn out of my chest?"

She rose slowly, unhurried, the folds of her sari whispering against the floor as she came to stand before me. "You have a son now, Devashree. A beautiful child, a gift the heavens themselves entrusted to you. Is that not reason enough to anchor yourself? To find happiness?"

"This isn't about my son. This is about me and my husband. If you just here to tell me to plaster a smile on my face and forget what he's done, then save your breath, Ma. I won't listen."

"Putri, you mistake me. I would never ask you to erase your pain. But do not shut your eyes to the whole truth. Your son is not separate from this storm you are weathering. He is born of it. He is born of you and Shri Krishna. Every choice you make—whether to hold on or to let go—will ripple into him."

Her words tightened around me like invisible chains. My throat burned. "So now it's my fault? If I choose myself for once, my son will suffer?"

"I am asking you to see above your pain."

Why? Why are you asking me to see above my pain?

"Marriage is not easy. It is hard to manage it at times. Your father and I too had faced many problems. But we have always tried to solve it together. Believe me, if you just try and sit down with Shri Krishna to calmly discuss you problem then you will solve it. My experience in marriage tells me that much."

I have thousand times more experience than you Maa and if you think I am just acting out, you are very much mistaken.

"And Devashree, you must understand. It doesn't look good for you! The queen of the most influential empire like Dwarka, running away from her home to her maternal house because of a maritial spat-"

Maa went on her rhetoric but I had stopped paying her attention any longer. I could feel my nails digs into my palms. 

Did I expect my mother to console and understand me?  To try to take a stand beside me?