"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving - Like a student on 6 Red Bulls a night!
* * *
He was as lame as a duck - Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something!
* * *
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined - Like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!"
* * *
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her - Like a dog at a lamp-post!
* * *
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock - Like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM!
* * *
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze - Like an oscillating electric fan set on medium!
* * *
It was a working class tradition - Like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools!
* * *
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells - As if she were a garbage truck reversing!
* * *
She was as easy - As the Daily Star crossword!
* * *
At first he wasn't sure about her but she grew on him - Like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Supermarket beef!
* * *
She walked into the bedroom Like a centipede with 98 missing legs!
* * *
Her voice had that tense, grating quality - Like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened!
* * *
It hurt the way your tongue hurts - After you accidentally staple it to the wall!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
YOU ARE READING
Adults Only Revisited
HumorDo you get offended easily? Does reading things about sex make you feel dirty? Do swear words horrify your soul? Are you so nice that you are afraid to hate ever? If so, it sux to be you! You're pathetic... Go away! Your presence is not welcome here...
