DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN
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1) Money:
A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.
A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn’t need, because it’s on sale!
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2) Bathrooms:
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in a woman’s bathroom is 284. The average man would not be able to identify most of them!
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3) Cats:
Women love cats.
Men may say they love cats, but when women are not looking, men will kick cats!
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4) The Future:
A woman worries about the future — until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future — until he gets a wife!
5) Success:
A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife.
A successful woman is one who can find that man!
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6) Marriage:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does!
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7) Dressing Up:
A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals!
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8) Natural:
Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.
Women will somehow deteriorate during the night!
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9) Children:
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house!
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10) Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedges. This is why high school romances rarely work out!
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11) Handwriting:
Men, to their credit, do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.
Women however, use scented, colored, stationary and they dot their “i’s” with circles and hearts.
Women also use ridiculously large loops in their “p’s” and “g’s”. It is a royal pain in the butt to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you, she’ll put a smiley face at the end of the note!
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12) Groceries:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things.
A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his shopping cart is packed tighter than a nuns nasty at that time of the month. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 12-items-or-less lane!
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13) Going Out:
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out as soon as she finds her earrings and finishes putting on her makeup!
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14) Mirrors:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in a mirror.
Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, and bald heads!
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15) Time:
When a woman says she’ll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she’s using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game’s just got five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays!
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16) Friends:
Women on a girls’ night out talk the whole time!
Men on a boys’ night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are “Pass the Doritos” or “Got any more beer?”
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HumorDo you get offended easily? Does reading things about sex make you feel dirty? Do swear words horrify your soul? Are you so nice that you are afraid to hate ever? If so, it sux to be you! You're pathetic... Go away! Your presence is not welcome here...
