Adults Only Revisited

By The Great One

I'm still trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

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Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

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Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.

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You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She's 97 today and we don't know where she is.

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The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

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I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use
language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be, but I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.

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TV ads show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a bloodstained T-shirt, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.

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I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say
"because it's such a beautiful animal." There you go. I think my mother is
attractive, but I only have photographs of her.

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A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" She sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too!"

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