Whatever you do in life - always give 100%.. Unless of course you are donating blood!
* * *
I hate it when people are at your house and ask, "Hey, do you guys have a toilet?" And I'm like.. "No, not at all, we shit in the yard!"
* * *
My doctor told me I need to start watching my drinking.. So I'm off to find a bar with a mirror!
* * *
Mum: "Clean your room, family are coming over."
Me: Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realize the gathering would be held in my bedroom!"
* * *
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will.. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it!
* * *
I just watched my dog chase it's tail for 5 minutes and thought: Dogs are so easily entertained.. Then I realized I was just watching my dog chase it's tail for 5 minutes!
* * *
I tend to say, "I don't know?" when I'm just too lazy to think!
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If I choose you over my sleep.. You Better feel fuckin special!
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When killing them with kindness doesn't work.. I've heard that a baseball bat is quite effective!
* * *
Some people remind me of old TV sets.. You have to hit them a few times until they get the picture!
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I didn't say I would be nice - I said I would try.. It was too hard!
* * *
I hate it when I'm singing a song.. And the Artist gets the words wrong!
* * *
I never said I hated you.. I just said that if you were on fire I might consider roasting Marshmallows.. Big difference!
* * *
Deja-moo.. The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before!
* * *
I've used all my sick days.. So I'm calling in dead!
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YOU ARE READING
Adults Only Revisited
ComédieDo you get offended easily? Does reading things about sex make you feel dirty? Do swear words horrify your soul? Are you so nice that you are afraid to hate ever? If so, it sux to be you! You're pathetic... Go away! Your presence is not welcome here...
