5 Seconds Of Summer Imagines

Mashton imagine - personal

Personal for wattpad user @_jesslacava

Ashton's POV

"Jess?"
I practically snap my neck in the direction her name comes from. I react to it faster than my own, it was the first sign I knew that I was helplessly in love with someone.
Someone forbidden.
"Mikey," she giggles, and I cringe lightly at the sound. Not because I hate it, I love it. It causes a warmth to spread over my body, but it's because she's saying my best friends name that makes me hate it.
"Stoooop," she whines, his fingers digging into her sides as they lay together on the sofa and tickle one another, their laughter bouncing off the walls.
"Tell me you love me," he chuckles lightly to her, and I feel my own bile rise in my throat. They're so nauseatingly happy, it literally makes me sick.
"Never," she gasps, and he shrugs before continuing his assault on her sides and she giggles loudly.
How I wish that was me.
I want to be the one, holding her close to me and making her laugh like that, but I'm not.
"Ash?"
I turn to Luke calling my name, and I finally break my gaze away from the couple I've never been more jealous of than what I am right now.
"You alright? You don't look great," he frowns at me, blue eyes staring over my features, and I force a small smile through my pain.
"Yeah," I cough, clearly my anxious voice, "I'm fine."
"You sure?" He glances between the commotion behind me, and then back to my face. He knows. He found out as soon as I got the tingling sensation in my skin when she was within touching distance of me, he was the only person I confided my deepest feelings to, and he's always supported me.
I nod quickly, sadly smiling at him as I feel pools of warm tears forming in my eyes, but I force them back down when I realise that I'm with a group of people.
"I hate seeing you this way," he mumbles, reaching across and holding my hand in a tight grip on top of the table, "I wish I could take the pain away."
"You can't," I chuckle without humour, dropping my head onto the table as I try to calm my emotions and block out her beautiful laughter.
"I think you should tell them."
I bring my head up quickly, causing me to dizzy for a moment, and I let my hazel eyes focus on the boy in front of me. I could have imagined what he said, but by the way he's sat waiting for a response, I'm guessing he didn't.
"No," I reply, my tone clipped and blunt as I wipe away the tears that have fallen without my knowing.
"Ashton, I hate seeing you hurting-"
"And by me telling them, Mikey will hurt. He loves her, Luke. I'm not selfish enough to let my best friend hurt because of something I feel."
I stand abruptly and storm out of the room, slamming the door shut behind myself and leaving him sitting their shocked with my small out burst.
I'm glad I didn't shout, the last thing I want is for them to hear me and ruin a friendship and relationship in one breath.
I manage to make it outside in one piece, dropping down onto a concrete step and filling my lungs with the air I feel I've been deprived of.
No one will come and drag me back inside, they know I like to have my quiet alone time when I'm like this.
I pick at a frayed edge on the knee of my jeans, and I just think about everything. About Jess and my feelings for her, about how crushed Mikey would be if I told him, about how insanely happy or depressed I would be if I told them, and I know none of it is a risk I'm willing to take.