5 Seconds Of Summer Imagines

Luke Imagine - Part 3

Tuesday arrived quicker than I wanted it to. The weather outside was bleak and miserable, like it was matching my mood. I was stood in the bedroom, having just showered, and was staring at the suit my mum had bought me which was laid out on my bed. The material looked expensive and it was tailored well but just from looking at it something didn't feel right, like I wasn't supposed to wear this suit to her funeral. Grabbing the hanger, I hooked it back up in the wardrobe and began searching for the outfit I had in mind, the one I know would make her smile if she was watching me from up above.

After getting changed and doing my hair, I looked at myself in the wall length mirror, checking my appearance. The suit I wore on my wedding day, still fit perfectly, perhaps even better than it did on the day. The expensive black material clung to my body and I buttoned the jacket up over a crisp white shirt and black tie. I tried faking a smile in the mirror, to convince other people that I was doing OK, when in actual fact I wasn't, I was far from it. The smiles all looked weak and forced and with a huff, I gave up. Grabbing a small photograph of me and Amelia on the day she was born, I folded it up and placed it into a pocket on my suit jacket, only to remove an unknown, small scrap of paper.

Unfolding the worn paper, I smoothed out the creases to recognise Y/N's handwriting, the ink smudged slightly. In a neat, black cursive, she had written "I love you, Mr Hemmings. If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." Inhaling a deep, ragged breath, I look up to the ceiling, willing for the tears to stay back and not leave my eyes, something that I haven't stopped doing since the day she died. Failing this, I looked back down at the piece of paper and let the tears fall, moving the paper in front of me to protect the last piece of Y/N I have with me, not wanting it to be ruined.

Thinking back to when she must have put this in the pocket, the only time I can think of being our wedding night, as we slow danced to Jason Mraz's 'I'm Yours' in front of our family and friends, the first time as man and wife. The way she leant her head against my chest as we swayed back and forth and I rested my chin atop her head, kissing her hair and repeatedly whispering how much I loved her. How, when I told her she was the light in my darkest hours, she let a few tears escape, slightly dampening the suit which I'm currently wearing.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, resting my elbows on my thighs, I let the tears fall, not even willing them to stop. I just sit there, crying out for the beautiful woman I lost and can't be found. After several minutes, I convince myself to try. Try for my wife and my daughter, to put on a brave face and a warm smile to comfort my little girl whom I haven't seen in over a week, not being a fit enough dad to even take care of his pride and joy. I feel guilt settle in me, if Y/N was watching me, and I knew for a fact she would be as she somehow managed to see everything when she was alive, she wouldn't be angry. She would be disappointed, which is far worse, but I didn't want to half ass an attempt at being a dad and let down either of them.

Angry with myself, I hurriedly make my way out of the house and to my car, pulling off and heading in the direction of the funeral home. I park up outside and notice my parents and Amelia waiting outside for me, several other people all cloaked in back are also near the entrance waiting to pay their respects. Looking into my rear view mirror, I see the redness in my eyes, it's obvious I've been crying but who wouldn't be on a day such as this? Rubbing my eyes, I give up on trying to look presentable and exit my car, slowly making my way to my family. Amelia's face practically lights up as she see me heading over and it takes everything in me to not cry for not being there for her.

"Daddy!" She excitedly squeals, reaching out for me. I grab her and squeeze her tight, kissing her head numerous times. Oh, how I've missed my little princess. She begins to wriggle around, clearly getting agitated with how tight I'm holding her. I loosen my grip and look down into the eyes that are so similar to Y/N's, making my smile grow just at the thought of their similarities.

"Hey baby girl, how are you? Have you been good for grandma and grandpa, yeah?" I ask her, the happiness in my tone genuine, no acting on my part. She nods her head frantically and goes on to tell me what she's done for the past week, whilst I greet my mum with a side hug who smiles warmly at me. Just as Amelia asks where mummy is, my throat tightens and I feel my eyes sting with the familiarity of tears as I look down at her. The time has come for me to explain where she is, something I don't think I'm ready to do but I have to, after all it is not like she's going to turn up any minute now. I exchange glances with my mum who urges me to tell her, hesitantly I cough, clearing my throat ready to talk. "I need you to listen OK, sweetheart. Remember when daddy used to call mummy an Angel?" She nods excitedly, a large gap toothed grin on her face at the memories as I carry on. "Well, the reason mummy isn't here anymore is because those Angels need her help, she has to look after lots and lots of people now OK? She can't just look after us two all of the time, but we're still her priority. She's probably even watching us right now because we've come to say goodbye to her."

No tears fall from either of our eyes, hers don't because she doesn't fully comprehend the bull shit lie I spun her and mine because I'm trying my damned hardest to bottle everything up to not frighten her. She reluctantly nods in understanding, her little brows slightly furrowed as she's upset she won't get to see Y/N again.

After the explanation, we go inside and listen to a reverend talk about the hardships and pleasantries in life and how Y/N was one of those pleasantries that many got to enjoy. People wept quietly around me, whilst my eyes stayed dry and focused ahead up until we left to join up at the cemetery and stand around the edge of her grave. Standing still made me begin fidgeting, first bopping up and down on my legs, then playing with my fingers, so I decided on picking Amelia up to keep me occupied.

"Y/N was a loving mother and wife. A friend to all and gave what she could when needed. She leaves behind a daughter, Amelia, and husband, Luke, to keep on creating beautiful memories with which she wished to continuously be a part of." The reverend states to the small crowd of people gathered around. Before he invites people to throw dirt onto her coffin, I decide to speak. Putting my hand in the air as if I was in class at school. I am acknowledged and I slowly step forward, handing Amelia to my mum. I awkwardly cough, before beginning my speech.

"Hi, everyone. I want to thank you all for coming today. Y/N would really appreciate it." I take a slight pause, looking at the group before continuing "Not the fact it's her funeral really, but the fact people actually turned up." This earns a few chuckles from the crowd, myself included. "Y/N was a truly, amazing woman. I got to witness that first hand. I asked her to marry me so that we could spend forever together, it's just a shame that our forever only lasted a short amount of time." I pause to take a deep breath so that I can carry on. "But out of that short forever, we got our beautiful daughter, Amelia." A small sob racks through my body and I struggle to maintain my composure, the tears already beginning to blur my vision. "I was so lucky to have her in my life, even if it was a little while, but it's not something I am likely to ever forget. She had this crazy impact on my life that is never to be forgotten. She was my first love and my first forever. She will also be the last of those things. She once wrote me 'If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.' She never does have to go through living without me and I'm going to struggle until my last day to survive, living without her. But the fact I have a small part of her with me, in our little girl, then that is enough for me to keep on battling until I see her again. I will miss my Angel, I will love her every day."

I quickly wipe the tears streaming down my cheeks, tossing the picture of me and Amelia from my pocket, atop of Y/N's coffin and step back to my parents, Amelia quickly latching onto me. I hug her, holding her tight as if she's some form of security for me. Light gently breaks through the clouded sky, in an almost clichéd way of Y/N hearing my words. I smile through my tears, taking anything as a sign that she is still here, being the optimist I am. I look to Amelia to notice small tears falling from her eyes, before she breaks out into small sobs of her own. I cradle her, rocking her back and forth and rubbing her back to calm her.

After a short while, there are no sounds made from us but the tears are still falling. The graveside emptied out a while ago, leaving us both to grieve and say our goodbyes on our own. I stand there, our little girl in my arms and her tears wetting my suit jacket, just like her mother's did 4 years previously on our wedding day.