Miss Wanna Be Superstar

Chapter 38: News

James' POV:
"Dude! Get a life. Hanggang kelan ka ba talaga magmu-mukmok dyan ha? It's been three months!" Sabi sakin ni Tristan kaya sinamaan ko sya ng tingin bago uminom ng beer. "Tignan mo! Tapos umagang umaga inom ka ng inom. Are you trying to kill yourself?" Sabi ni Louise kaya sinamaan ko din sya ng tingin.

"Why don't you guys mind your own business? Hayaan nyo lang ako, pwede ba?" Tanong ko at sumimangot naman si Brandon. "Well our business is on a break right now, guess whose fault it is. Get a grip of yourself, James."

Assholes.

I grabbed the canned beers and stood up before walking away, those three idiots. "Anong akala nila? Ganun lang kadaling magmove on? Tss." Bulong ko bago sumakay sa kotsye ko at pumunta sa park.

Haaaay.

"Elle kamusta ka na kaya? Alam mo bang ang sakit nung nakita ko? Hahahaha. Ang gago naman kasi ng buhay ko. Bakit gantong kakumplikado? Bakit kailangan mo akong gamitin? Pinagpalit mo ako sa pera. Nakaka-shit lang Elle." Bulong ko habang nakatitig dun sa may pond at binato iyon.

Nakailang bato na ako pero pakiramdam ko mas bumibigat lang ako. Elle was pulling me down while she was living her dream. Three months huh? That long. And here i am, still at my miserable shape.

My heart, shuttering into pieces every single fucking time i go out. My voice, shaking while i sing a song. That's why The Breakers had to take a break. I had to, I need this. Kailangan ko ulit makahinga dahil hindi ko na alam kung ano bang dapat kong maramdaman. 

I was guilty, yes.

But I was hurt too. The moment I found out that Elle was gone, it's like I lost my voice. I lost everything. And i don't know how to get it back. How to get myself back.

"I know that look." Napalingon ako at nakita ang isang babae na may maikling buhok na nakatabi sakin. Good thing i was wearing contact lenses and a hood. "Yeah, what is it?" I lowered my voice para hindi nya mahalata na ako to.

"That was the same look on my face when someone left me." Napatahimik ako ng makitang totoo ang sinasabi nya, bigla naman syang umiling at nagextend ng kamay. "I'm Rosita. And you are?"

"I'm... Silv." I'm not completely lying, some of my friends call me that. Ayoko lang na makilala nya ako, that's all. "Well Silv, do you wanna talk about it?" Tanong nya kaya napatingin ulit ako sa pond.

Do i wanna talk about it?

Bumuntong hininga ako, "It's been three months since she left me. And you know what? This wound." Sabi ko sabay turo sa puso ko. "It never healed, i don't think it will heal."

"Parehas tayo, ganyan na ganyan din naramdaman ko nung iwan ako ni Mike. Pero you know what? Hindi naman gagaling yan." Sabi nya sabay turo sa puso ko. "Kung hindi mo tutulungan sarili mo. Minsan konting tulak mo lang sa sarili mo ang kailangan, para iwan yung lugar kung saan masakit." Then she smiled like she was thinking of all that had happen to her.

"I don't even know how to start." Mahina kong sabi dahil lagi nilang sinasabi yan, pano ako makakamove on kung hindi ko tutulungan sarili ko. For crying out loud! Hindi ba nila naisip na hindi ganung kadali yon? "That, I can help." She had this weird look on her face, in a good way.

Umiling sya at ngumiti muli, "So, what was she like?" Tanong nya kaya ako naman ang ngumiti. What was Elle like? "She was annoying... She was noisy... Childish, sweet, caring.." Napatilig ako at agad na pinunasan ang luhang umabot na sa baba ko. Fuck.

"You know, moving on isn't about forgetting. It's about remembering without getting hurt. I don't think you can ever forget someone, lalo na kung minahal mo diba?" Her words where filled with deep feelings. Parang siguradong sigurado sya sa mga sinasabi nya. "Someone helped me to get up. So now i'm helping you."

"Did you ever feel it?" Tanong ko at tignan naman nya ako na parang nagtatanong. "Felt like you wanna break down and forget everything but you can't. Cause' when you fall and break, no one's gonna be there for you. Walang tutulong sayo na iligtas sarili mo." Sabi ko at tumungo naman sya bago bumuntong hininga.

"I felt that. For freaking 5 years. Sino ba namang hindi magbe-break down kung malalaman mong ginamit ka lang para sa pera diba?" Napapitlag ako at tinitigan sya. Money... Yes! Elle wanted my money.

That was all she ever wanted from me.

I took another rock and threw it, "Elle wanted my money. So my parents gave her and she flew to New York, leaving me" From the look on her face, i can say that she can feel me. She can feel my suffering. She can feel how hurt i am.

"Ano ba yan? Puro tayo drama. Tara mag-ice cream." Sabi nya at tumayo bago ilahad ang kamay nya. Ngumiti ako at tinanggap yon bago nya ako hilahin papunta sa ice cream stall.

"Anong flavor gusto mo?" Tanong nya kaya sumilip ako sa mga flavors. I used to bring Elle here. "I'll take strawberry." Sabi ko kaya lumawak ang ngiti nya.

"Make that two please."

*******

"James! Bat ngayon ka lang?" Bungad ni Manager Sy kaya napabuntong hininga ako. Napagod ako! Rosita was so funny! Pagkatapos namin kumain ng ice cream ay nakipag laro kami sa mga bata at hinatid ko sya pauwi. Turns out she was a few blocks away from our house.

I was sleepy, "I had fun." Yan lang ang sinabi ko at natahimik ang lahat. Miski si Louise na nage-air guitar ay napatigil. Ngumisi ako bago naglakad papunta sa kwarto ko at sinarado na yon.

"Did you hear him? He had fun? Seriously?"

"I don't know Trist, hindi kaya nakapatay na yan ng tao? Baka yun yung fun para sa kanya?"

"Shut up the two of you, baka nakipag sex lang yan kaya ganyan."

Assholes.

Nagpalit ako ng damit at binuksan ang TV-- "Let's all welcome Elle Estrada, the new superstar!" Napapitlag ako at napaupo ng maayos. Si Elle? Kelan pa? Wait...

I stopped stalking her a month ago and now this?

"Wow." Is all i can say before turning the fucking TV off. Stupid. So that's just it?

She left me. She chose to be with Miguel. She lived in New York. And now's she a freaking superstar. Wow. The Breakers had been on a break for 2 months now. I can say that the boys aren't happy about it. Pero hindi pa ako handa nun. 

But

"I must have been blinded too much then." Bulong ko at tumayo na lang bago suotin ang pants ko. Bumaba agad ako at naabutan si Tristan na kumakain at si Louise na nagp-play station.

Agad naman silang tumingin sakin, "Wassup bro, okay ka na ba?" Tanong ni Louise kaya nag thumbs up ako. I'm more than okay.

"Why do you have the smug look on your face?" Tanong ni Tristan habang ina-analyze ang mukha ko. Ngumisi ulit ako at sinuot ang leather jacket ko.

"The Breakers' back."

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Abangan!