Rest In Peace, Eduardo Emmanuel Ramirez.
I love you, daddy.
I hope to see you again in heaven.
Jayde had got the news from the obituary section of the paper. Her father had been sick with lung cancer and the obituary mentioned her as his daughter. She thought of whether or not she should go to the funeral. Rafael noticed when he came home that something was wrong and his heart sank when he found her curled up in a ball on the bed. "What's wrong, cariño?"
She turned towards him and she wiped the tears from her face. "My father died of cancer. His obituary was in the paper".
He laid beside her and he pushed some of her hair off her face. "I'm so sorry, amor. Can I do anything for you?"
She shook her head. "Just be here".
He nodded and she curled into his chest.
You did your best or did you? Sometimes I think I hate you. I'm sorry, dad, for feeling' this. I can't believe I'm sayin' it. I know you were a troubled man. I know you never got the chance to be yourself, to be your best. I hope that Heaven's given you a second chance.
The squad had found out about her father's death through her blog and they asked Rafael how she was doing. "She's grieving and I think she wants to go to the funeral".
Olivia shook her head. "I can't even imagine what she's going through. Do you think she should go?"
"I think she would beat herself up if she didn't".
She nodded. "I'll talk to her. Thanks Barba".
He nodded then left her office.
Later Olivia knocked on the door of the apartment. Steven answered the door. "Hi Olivia".
"Hi. I was wondering if it would be ok to talk to your mom?"
"She can come in, Steven", Jayde shouted from the living room. He nodded and let her in. Jayde came to the door wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants. They walked to the couch. Steven looked at his mother. "I'll be ok, Steven. Go play with your brother". He nodded then left. "He's been watching over me when Rafi's at work".
Olivia smiled a little. "I just wanted to see how you are".
"I don't know how to feel. He was my dad, even through everything".
She nodded. "Did I ever tell you about my father?" Jayde shook her head. "My father took advantage of women. That's how my mother got pregnant with me. He committed suicide later in life".
"Wow. I can't imagine growing up with that".
She nodded. "My mother was physically and emotionally abusive. She died after falling down some stairs".
Jayde shook her head not knowing what to say.
"I guess we both know about abuse". Tears went down her face and she wiped them away. Olivia gave her a hug. "But it's only made us stronger".
Jayde nodded. "It will be weird going. I wouldn't even know what to say or what to do".
"Rafael thinks that if you don't go, you'll beat yourself up".
"He's probably right. I'll talk to him".
Johnny had called her later after being contacted by Rafael. "I'm so sorry, doll".
"I know. My lieutenant came over earlier and we talked. She and Rafi think I should go to the funeral. I mean, he's still my dad".
"I get it. You do whatever you feel comfortable doing. I will support whatever decision you make about this".
Rafael walked in the door after getting home from work. He came over to her on the couch and sat down beside her. "I know, John. Thank you". Rafael smiled a little. "Will you be able to come?"
"I don't know. I have to check my schedule".
"Alright. Rafael is here".
"Ok, I'll let you go. Call or text me if you need anything".
"I will. I love you".
"I love you too, J".
"John thinks that it's my decision. Liv came and visited me earlier".
Rafael smiled a little. "I know. I thought it would be a good idea to talk to her".
She rested her head on his shoulder. "Thanks. I needed it". He kissed her head. "If I go, I want you to come with so I have someone I actually want to see".
He nodded. "Of course". He got up and went to the kitchen to make her something to eat. He came back a half hour later with a bowl of her favorite soup. She smiled a little when he gave it to her. He sat down with her as she ate it.
The funeral took place a few days later. Her mother was surprised to see her and Rafael. They sat in the back row during the service. They saw his coffin filled with flowers. She looked at the one she had in her hand. Rafael took her hand in support. They walked to the coffin and she set the flower down. The church was filled with her family, some of which had traveled from Mexico. The service focused on Eduardo as the person he was. Rafael held his wife's hand the whole time.
After the service, they were walking out to their car when they were approached by a cousin. They turned around when they heard her name. "Antonio", she gave her cousin a hug. "This is my cousin. Antonio, this is my husband, Rafael".
Antonio shook his hand then spoke in a heavy Mexican accent. "Very nice to meet you. I'm sorry about the circumstances". Rafael nodded and smiled a little. "You should talk to your mamá, Jayde. She's very deprimido. She misses you".
"Lo pensare".
He nodded. "Very nice to see you again. My mamá will be looking for me". He turned around and walked back to the church.
Rafael looked at her and she shook her head. "I didn't want to tell him".
"I get it". They got in the car and headed back home.
Over the next few days, the squad and her friends checked on her. She was at home when she checked her Tumblr messages. Jayde, I'm so sorry to hear about your father. If there's anything you or the kids need, please ask. – Anthony
I am so sorry. Please call if you ever need to talk. I will always be here for you. – Orlando
I know you probably heard this a lot over the past few days, but if you or the kids need anything, don't hesitate to ask. Even if it's just an extra ear to talk to or someone to watch the kids while you take a break. – Amanda
A small smile came to her face. "Orlando, Anthony and Amanda just left me messages on Tumblr".
Rafael put his arm around her shoulders. "I'm happy that they're looking out for you. Are you happy you went to the funeral?"
She nodded. "I got to say goodbye. I don't know if I forgive him or my mother but it's like you and Olivia said, I would be beating myself up if I didn't. All of my aunts, uncles and cousins I haven't seen in years. My cousin Antonio was Kiera's age when I last saw him. Now he's an adult".
"I am so proud of you for going. I hope you know that. You don't have to forgive him or your mother. Nobody is expecting you to".
She nodded. "I know. I just have to work through what they did to me first. That might take awhile".
He kissed her cheek.
I want to thank everyone for their kind messages. I am forever thankful to have wonderful followers and friends.
