Mental illness is something that nobody chooses to have whether it's PTSD, bipolar, schizophrenia, addiction, etc. I know I write a lot about my addiction but one thing I've never disclosed is my recent diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was diagnosed after having a flashback of my attack at work. PTSD is not just diagnosed in veterans, but it can occur in anyone at any time.
One of the most unanswerable questions is why? I've asked this over and over but I've realized that why doesn't stop the flashbacks or the pain.
Its not your fault. As someone who works with victims, how many times have I said or heard that being said. Never in my life would I have to thought someone would say that to me. What happened to me doesn't have to define the rest of my life. I'm a mother, wife, a friend, daughter and SURVIVOR! Mental illness doesn't have to define you.
Jayde closed the cover of her iPad after posting this post on her Tumblr. She got up and went over to the break station to refill her cup. Amanda saw her and like the rest of the squad, wondered how she was doing. Sonny was at the break station and he smiled at her. "How's little Steven doing?"
"He's good. He's talking more and more everyday. When of his favorite things to say is 'uh oh'. Everything is 'uh oh' or papa. We think it means puppy but we're not sure".
Sonny laughed. "He sounds like a cute kid".
"I've got it on video". She went back to her desk and grabbed her phone. She opened the photo app and opened the video then went back to Sonny. He watched over her shoulder at a video of Steven playing with his stuffed animals. He knocked them over then said 'uh oh'. He continued doing this for a few minutes until the video stopped.
"That's adorable", Sonny told her.
"I've got another video of him dancing to Britney Spears. It'll be good blackmail for when he's older".
She walked over to her desk and opened her iPad again. Fin was walking behind her and it caught his eye. He memorized it before walking away. He waited until she left for the day before opening it on his laptop. He called Amanda over and she went over to see what he was looking at. "I've seen it, Fin. You're kind of late to the party". He looked at her before going back to the blog. Rafael walked in and the blog caught his eye so he stopped and looked over his shoulder. "What is that?"
"It's Jayde's blog. She's got a lot on here". Peering over his shoulder, he saw blog entries and one of them caught his eye. It was an entry about Jayde's attack.
When he got back to his office, he opened his laptop and opened the web browser. He typed in the web address to Jayde's blog. He spent the next couple hours reading what she had written. Along with the usual pictures of babies, cats, dogs and celebrities, he found that he was mentioned numerous times and that her older posts talked about her being in love with him. This made him smile. Scrolling down, he saw pictures of her with him and the squad with the caption: COOLEST FUCKING PEOPLE! #forreal. He also found entries about her drug addiction and being sober. This surprised him since he didn't know that she was an addict. The other thing that he found were pictures of her on various movie sets with celebrities like Helena Bonham Carter, Tim Burton, Alan Rickman, Orlando Bloom and Keith Richards. One of the funnier things he found were pictures of Johnny she had reblogged.
He closed his laptop and he thought about what he had read. By the end of the day, he and the whole squad had seen it. When Jayde came into work the next day, she found a note that said: Don't leave your Tumblr open! – Sonny. It was then she realized that everyone had read it. Good lord, she thought. The rest of the day, she endured teasing but she took it in stride. "Y'all would have found it eventually", she said to them.
"Y'all", Amanda asked. "Since when are you from the south?"
Jayde put on her best southern accent. "My daddy's from Texas so sometimes it just comes out". Amanda looked at her impressed with her accent impression as was Sonny and Fin.
"That's crazy", he said.
Later she was on her Tumblr again when she saw another hate message telling her that she should have died in her attack, she got furious and she replied back to the user: As someone who was in a coma for two weeks and almost died, don't you fucking say that shit to me! You don't know how fucking hard it is for me not to be triggered every time I enter a parking garage. How dare you say that to someone, especially someone you don't know! I don't care if you all don't like me, but never say that shit to me or to anyone! If you don't like me, get the fuck off my blog!
