Today I sat down with myself. I realized who I am as a person and I finally feel happy with who I am. I never wanted to 'come out' but I am making a decision to do that now. For the past few years, I have found myself having feelings toward women. At first I tried to convince myself that these feelings didn't exist. It took some self convincing before I realized that feelings are ok. I don't want to label myself as bisexual, mainly because I don't like labels, but this who I am. If I fell in love with a woman, I would love her like I would a man. I am finally content with who I am 100%. #comingout
Jayde posted this as she laid on her couch. Because of her near death c-section, she was on maternity leave and the doctor told her to take it easy. She had planned to bring Santana to the squad room the next day but now she and Santana were having a girl's day at home. Santana was fast asleep in her crib. Jayde had put her down an hour ago and she was still sleeping.
Later, Jayde was back on Tumblr after getting Santana out of her crib. Her little girl was playing on the floor and she was happy as she played with her toys. There were messages left for her and she read them smiling. Congratulations on coming out! I am so proud of you! – Amanda
Jayde, I am so happy and proud that you came out. It's not easy and I salute your courage on doing so. I promise to support you no matter what. I love you. – Anthony
I just read this and I and the whole squad are so proud of you for coming out. We love you and we will support you no matter who you fall in love with. You are very brave in making the decision to tell everyone. – Rafael
That night Sonny came home and he went right over to her then sat down on the ottoman next to the couch. She could tell he wanted to talk and the look on his face worried her. The kids were staying with their abuletia so it was just them and Santana. She bit her lip as she waited for him to say something. "I read your blog entry. Rollins showed everyone after she found it. I just, why didn't you tell me?"
"That's what your upset about? It took me three years to be comfortable enough with myself to come out". He sighed silently as he looked away from her then got up and walked away. She got up and followed him. "What's wrong, Sonny?"
"I don't understand bisexuality, ok and I need time to process this".
"Well then you're in charge in taking care of Santana. I'm going to rest".
She went to their bedroom and closed the door. Her emotions were getting to her and she started silently crying as she laid on the bed. She wrapped herself in the blanket as thoughts went through her head. Sonny looked at his daughter who was playing on the floor. He went over and sat down beside her. She saw him and cooed kicking her legs.
Sonny didn't have anyone in his life who had come out and he didn't understand it. Now his fiancé had just told the world she was bisexual. This overwhelmed him and now Jayde was upset. He looked back at his daughter and rubbed her stomach making her smile. He gave her a toy and she tried to grab it but was unable to. She waved her arms happily as she cooed. "I guess mommy's upset with me", he told her. "Maybe I should talk to her. Do you think that's a good idea?" She grunted. "Yeah, maybe I should give her some time". He bent down and kissed her forehead.
Jayde had fell asleep after crying for an hour. In her dream, Sonny broke off the engagement and left her. He was upset and didn't want to marry her anymore. Because of this, she resolved to give up on love. It wasn't worth getting hurt every time. She woke up to her daughter touching her face. Sonny saw that she was awake and he sat down on the opposite side of the bed. He looked over and he saw her tears. "Jayde, I'm so sorry. I am so proud of you for coming out. I promised I would never hurt you but now I realize that I did by not supporting you. Can you forgive me?"
Jayde wiped her tears away from her cheeks. "Yeah". He got on the bed and laid down. She crawled over to him and put her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her.
"I love you so much, Jayde and it doesn't matter what your sexuality is. I will always love and support you, no matter what".
She looked at him and he kissed her making her smile. "I love you, Sonny and I didn't know this was going to upset you".
He shook his head. "I never had anyone in my life come out and I didn't know how to handle it. I realized that it doesn't matter because it doesn't change who you are as a person. You are so brave for telling the world and I am so proud of you".
"You're such an adorable asshole". He laughed.
The next day she brought Santana for everyone to meet. "She looks so much Carisi", Amanda cooed. Santana smiled at her.
"Someone's happy", Olivia said smiling.
"She is always happy. Kiera and Lucia call her 'happy baby'". Jayde looked at her happy little girl.
Amanda looked at her. "How are you doing?"
"I'm exhausted but I'm very happy. The kids are staying with Rafael so I can rest. I try to sleep whenever she does".
On her way out, Amanda went over to her. "I also wanted to tell you how proud I am of you for coming out".
Jayde smiled. "I don't really see it as 'coming out' even though that's technically what it's called but thank you". Fin came over to them. "I realized that I don't care what gender people are. Love is love".
Fin smiled. "Well I'm proud of you, Jayde and so is everyone here".
"Thank you".
Santana cooed. "Are you proud of your mama", Amanda asked her. Santana smiled and waved her arms.
Lily came across your blog and she showed me what you wrote. I am so proud of you. I hope you know that. We are all proud of you coming out. We love you so much. – Johnny
Thank you! It was hard but after I did, I felt relieved. Tell everyone thank you from me and that I miss them. All of you will have to meet Santana next time you're in town. I love you all so much. – Jayde
Thank you to everyone for their kind messages. I love you all and I am so thankful to have amazing friends and fiancé who support me. I found out through the years that love isn't just limited to one gender, but it's shared with everyone. Realizing this was hard because I tried to convince myself that I was straight but what is gay, straight, lesbian or bisexual? I am happy not giving myself a label and not limiting myself to one gender over the other. Labels are for food, not people and love is love. It doesn't matter if they are female or male. #samelove
