I am not lonely [Mystrade]

CHAPTER 20 : Coming-out

This chapter include soft smut at the very end. Also, I probably won't update any new chapters in the next few days because I'm quite busy at the time and can't manage time to write. Apologises.

        Mycroft crawled into his bed, pulling himself near his partner and resting his head on the other man's torso. He could hear his heart beating and feel him breathing slowly. "How are you doing ?" the detective asked in a low voice.
"Exhausted." answered his lover, placing a little kiss on the man's skin.
"No Myc', I'm not talking of your day, you know it." Greg rebuked him gently. The official turn his head up to face his husband. He could see in his eyes that he was feeling a little betrayed that the auburn was trying to elude his questions.
"There is nothing to discuss. I'm fine." he replied, looking away to hide the fact that he was lying.
"Myc'. Do not try to make a fool out of me. It's been nearly two months and every time I ask you a question you look away and you dare to tell me that you are feeling fine.". The reproof was clear in his voice and the elder Holmes could easily understand his partner's reaction but he didn't knew how to talk about his current feelings. "Talk to me please." asked Greg.
"What do you want me to tell you ... I've never been good at that" started the official. He could feel the detective's body vibrating when he was talking. "You can't even imagine how they are."
"Then explain me. Tell me what happened last time." suggested the DI, nearly whispering.
"I knew fromthe moment Mother opened the door that it wasn't going to end up well. They didn't seem surprised or pleased to see me after two years, they were just wondering why I was bothering them with an unplanned event." He paused, reminding himself of Mr Holmes look when he had entered the living room. "They are just so ... formal, out of age, like those rigid aristocrats in films. Everything is well ordered, the frames are exactly straight, the paving of the corridor shining as if nobody ever had touched it. Cold.". The detective was running his hand on Mycroft's shoulder, slowly, to encourage him to carry on. "Mother tried to leave me alone with my father like always but she agreed to stay when I asked her, not that she is really useful, she is pretty much like Father, but I don't know, I feel like if it was important enough for her to stay. It pretty much looked like a judgement or something like this, them both, staring at me, sat in the couch opposite them. And I've just started by telling them that I was getting married and I could see some happiness in my mother's eyes, but my father, it was like if he knew that this was just ... I don't know, like, the beginning of something, the emerged part of the iceberg ..." He was staring at the paper wall, deep in his thoughts "And then I said them that I was gay and it was ... chaos. I've always repressed those feelings before meeting you Gregory, because I've been taught that it was a sin, and I knew what they had done with uncle Rudy, he was treated like a wretch in the family, I was afraid of becoming like him. But they behave with me exactly like with him. They asked me to withdraw you and to keep hiding myself for the sake of the Holmes name. But what is the use of letting you down if it's to be treated like a scoundrel and be infelicitous for the rest of my life." He placed another kiss on his lover's chest. "You should have heard the venom in my father'svoice, you should have heard him saying that I was a disgrace like my brother. You've never heard anything like this, have you ?" the auburn asked to the inspector, moving so then he was now facing himproperly, laid on his right arm.
"No." answered Gregory. "I won't say that my parents were happy the first time I confessed having feelings for a man, but they never had rejected me. I was 20 at the time, still in university, he was one of my fellow comrades. I waited 3 months before telling it to my mum. It was in the late eighties, it was still not really something to tell in public but I thought that she needed to know. I've never really lied to her, except teenagers lies you know, so I waited until she had a bit of time and I told her.". He was trying to recall himself the details. "I told her that I was in love but that it wasn't with someone she would approve. She looked worried but also surprised because well, you know, my mum love quite everybody so ..." he laughed silently."When I finally told her that it was James she just told me that it was probably just a phase and that I should find a girl. And she told me that I shouldn't tell my dad yet because there was no need to bother him with 'experiences' as she said.". He was looking sad and the official rubbed a gentle finger on his cheek.
"We haven't talked about this for years after. She didn't outcasted me or anything because of that but she just assumed that it has really been a phase as I was now dating women and I have to admit that I never tried to talk of it either, keeping my homosexual adventures formyself. It was just not a subject you see ?" He paused again, looking at his partner with a little sad smile. "It's only when things were starting to go wrong with Eleonor that my mum brought it back. She asked me if it was because of her remarks that I've given up on men and spoused a girl and that it was a reason for the divorce. She was blaming herself for what she had said more than 20 years ago, telling me that she had been unfair. Of course, it was not the reason of the divorce but it was the first time that my mum told me that all what matter was to me to be happy, however it was with.I've learned later that she had talked about this to my dad, even if I still thought that I needed to say it myself, do things properly you see. But no, I've never faced rejection, not from my family at least.". He admitted.
"The only one to whom I've come out before dating you was Uncle Rudy. I'd came to him every time I felt something for a guy that I couldn't date and he'd make me hot chocolate and would listen to my misery. I don't even know how Sherlock had reacted when he learnt that I was dating you. I haven't told him anything about my ... appetencies." Mycroft resumed, playing with his husbands fingers.
"I know." replied the detective. "John told me." With a look the auburn urged him to continue, half curious, half scared. "Well, he said that he wasn't surprised, that he knew for years that you were gay and hiding it to everyone, including yourself, but that he would have preferred if you had said it yourself because he would have understood."
The official looked away for a few seconds. He always had suspected that his brother knew, it probably wasn't very hard to deduce even if he tried his best to hide it, just as he had no difficulty whatsoever to deduce that the younger Holmes was also hiding things to him, even if unlike Mycroft, he didn't hide it to himself. "Thank you, Greg." he whispered.
"Why haven't you tell Sherlock ?" wondered his partner.
"I thought he wouldn't understand or that he couldn't coop. It haven't been easy for him and I didn't always knew how to handle him. I was already busy trying to prevent him from hurting himself to badly not to bother him with my own issues." he paused for a second. "And maybe I didn't want to say it either because I was in denial to. It just wasn't that easy."

Gregory brought himself even closer to his partner, their chest now touching each others and kissed him fiery. The auburn wrapped his arms against the Di's body and rolled on the top of him, their lips still welded.He unbuttoned his pyjama's shirt and pressed his now bare skin against his lover's naked torso with inexpediency as if he wanted their two bodies to melt in one. The detective broke the kiss, bringing his mouth to Mycroft's neck, his hands stroking his lowerback with passion and strength.
The official was now breathing heavily, sweating a little of longing. He started taking of Greg's trousers off when the inspector rolled on the top, allowing his partner remove them easily. While the yarder was still kissing his throat the elder Holmes caressed the now naked bum, moaning of contentment. He still had his trousers on but he could feel the shivers on his lover's skin through the thin silk fabric. "Come on Myc'" moaned the DI, craving for more.
It was usually Greg who was leading their intercourses but this time it seems like if he wanted his partner to be in charge. The official pulled down his pants, both of them now entirely naked and he made his brushing on the inspector's butt more precise, making him whining even louder. He could felt the yarder's private parts hard against his abdomen and, taking pity of the grey-haired state of excitation, he rolled on top of the detective again who opened his legs slightly to allow the official to position himself to gave him the greatest pleasure.
Mycroft pushed himself against his husband's body with a loud wail. He could feel the body under his vibrating of desire, the DI's eyes closed, his lips half-opened. The official started moving gently his hips but his lover placed his hands on his arse forcing him to quicker moves. They were both muttering incomprehensible words, ecstatic of pleasure.
The auburn's body was covered in sweat, his face red, tears in the corner of his eyes when he felt Greg's body unbending in a final rattle, provoking his own climax. He collapsed on his partner chest, kissing his lips, exhausted of lustiness. They stayed laid like this during long minutes catching up their breath and cuddling before Mycroft get out off the bed and collected his pyjamas's top and bottom on the floor and made his way to the bathroom. Gregory sat up, his back against the bedhead, still naked and sweaty , a wide smile on his face. He was then the only one to ever had known this side of the official, the kind and passionate lover, and he was glad he had been the chosen one because this was probably the best he could ever have from any man.