I am not lonely [Mystrade]

CHAPTER 86 : Do you want a plastic bag ?

"Hey, look Greg, isn't it the weirdest and scariest stuffed toy you've ever seen ?" Molly laughed, showing her friend a weird, and quite frankly gross looking, toy in the window of a charity shop of the busy street they were strolling down.
"Damn, that's hideous !" the policeman chuckled. "It's been a shit load of time I haven't been in one of those. My mum used to love those places ..."
"Oh come on, let's have a look !" proposed the young woman, grabbing his arm and forcing him inside.
The shop, unlike most of the other in the street was packed with goods giving to it the impression of being smaller, dustier and darker than all those hipsters shop nearby. It smells of naphthalene, exactly like in the detective's memory and soon he found himself looking curiously at everything with his arms crossed in his back, as when he was a child and that his mum would told him off everytime he was to touch something even just remotely fragile. Molly was looking at a couple of old medicine instrument from the nineteenth century and seemed quite passionate about it when the yarder came across a strange painting of what looks like an eighteenth countryside landlord and without exactly knowing why, his face was strongly reminding him of Mycroft.
"Come and have a look at what I've found." he murmured to his friend, this kind of place always making people talk in low tones for an unknown reason.
"Don't you find this amazing ?" the young woman asked him gesturing toward the instruments she was still examining before following him to the paintings section.
"Surely, but if you don't mind, I'd prefer the conventional ones next time you are to try to cure me. I'm a great history lover but maybe not to that extent." the inspector retorted winking to her. He indicated her the painting he had remarked earlier and she took a step back to have a general view on it.
"Yeah, it's strange ... He really does look like Mycroft, don't you think ?" she commented after a few seconds of observation.
"Yes, that's exactly what I thought ! It's unbelievable, isn't it ?" nodded Greg, quite excited.
"Are you sure they aren't related ?" laughed the young woman.
"Well, there is no name on it except the painter's signature, a certain Phil Proctor apparently, so who knows." replied the DI, raising his shoulders.
"Are you sure it's the painter and not the subject's name ?" wondered Molly.
"Well, usually, the name written in the bottom right angle is pretty much always the painter's one yes. I'm not that good in art but that still something I'm quite sure of." retorted the man. "I think the name might have been on the frame and as it's frameless ..."
"Pretty right." nodded the post-mortem. "Well you know what ? You should take it home, that would be fun !"
"Don't tempt me to do that, you young woman ! I was already half thinking of that but Myc' would kill me if I bring back something that large back home ..." the detective laughed, still taking the painting with him.
They made their way through the packed shop to the counter were two cantankerous looking women were price tagging some items while drinking tea. As his friend was to pay for the painting Molly suddenly grabbed the stuffed toy that was displayed in the window, thinking that it would be a fun memory of the afternoon she was spending with Greg.
"Good afternoon ladies." smiled the inspector. "I would like to purchase this painting."
"Can you put it on the counter please ?" one of the two old lady requested.
"I'm afraid it's not really possible. It's a bit to big for your counter." apologized the detective.
"What am I suppose to do in this case Reenie ?" the woman asked her colleague.
"We can't sell something that is not on the counter. Not like on Thursdays." replied the other one.
"Ok it's alright, I'll manage to have it on the counter." accepted Greg, lifting the painting and resting it precautiously on the packed counter, trying his best not to burst into laughers at the scene that was happening in front of him, something not easy when he was hearing Molly chuckling discreetly behind him.
"That will be three pounds. Do you need a plastic bag ?" the lady finally informed him.
"I'm not sure that would fit into any plastic bag, thank you." smiled the yarder, biting his cheek to control his will to laugh.
"Reenie. Do we have a big plastic bag for the man ?" yelled the woman to her colleague, despite the polite refusal Greg had made.
"No really madam, I'm sure there is no need for that." repeated the inspector, accepting the bag he was handled nonetheless, not to be rude with the old women, despite the fact it was more than clear his painting couldn't fit in the bag in any way.
He was to go out when he noticed that Molly was decided to purchase the abominable stuffed toy and he resolved to wait for her, having more and more problem to control his need to burst out in laughers.
"May I buy this please ?" requested the young woman, putting the toy on the counter.
"Vinnie, does it have a special mark ?" wondered the second woman to her colleague.
"I don't know, who let it in ? Was it on a Thursday ?" replied the other woman.
"Ah no, here it is, the special mark is here !" finally exclaimed the old lady after a couple of minutes of looking at the toy. "That will be 99 pence please."
"Here you go." smiled the post-mortem, handling her the change.
"Vinnie, can I have a plastic bag ?" demanded Reenie. Molly didn't even bothered to protest, knowing that it wouldn't make any difference and a few minutes later they were laughing frantically in the street.
It took them more than ten minutes before they were able to pronounce a single word without going back to laughing.
"Someone would tell me there was a fucking hidden camera in there that I wouldn't even be surprise ..." smiled Gregory after catching up his breath.
"Can I have a plastic bag ?" replied his friend, faking, rather well, one of the old lady's voice.
"Don't do that, my stomach is killing me !" chuckled the detective. "Ah well, time to take this thing back home ... Fancy to drop by for a drink ?"
"Well, why not, it's not like if I had anything planned ..." accepted Molly in a smile. "Are you sure it won't bother Mycroft ?"
"If I don't ask him he won't have the opportunity to complain no ? He is too polite to complain in front of you." laughed the yarder. "No seriously, he will be happy to see you, it's been a long time since last time you dropped by."

One of the drawbacks of living in Kensington Palace Garden was that the cabs couldn't access to the street and dropped their clients at the end of the street, something that was quite annoying when it was raining, or like in this case when you had a three feet wide painting to bring back to your house. After five more minutes of struggling with his purchase, Greg and Molly arrived in front of the door just at the moment the auburn opened it.
"I've seen you arrived by the window." he explained to his partner that was looking rather bewildered. "Hello Molly, how are you dear ?"
"Fine, thank you. Nice to see you." she replied as he was placing a peck on each of her cheeks.
"So what is this ... thing ?" the official then asked, looking quite unsure and glancing a half-disgusted, half-amused look at the inspector's purchase.
"Well it's a painting, it's quite obvious no ? God and some says you are a genius ..." chuckled the yarder before turning the painting so his boyfriend could have a look at the subject depictured.
"Where did you find this ?" finally wondered the auburn after a few seconds of staring at it.
"In a charity shop in Soho, why ? You know the man depictured ?" retorted his husband in a grin.
"Yes, of course I know him. It's Reginald Holmes, it's the portrait he had done when he was appointed his position in the government by the king in 1823." explained Mycroft, apparently quite happy to have found a lost portrait of his ancestor.
"But how does it ended up in a charity shop ?" questioned Molly, genuinely curious.
"I remember seeing it in my great-uncle's office when I was a child but since then I had no idea where it was. Apparently someone needed the money and sold it ..."
"Well he probably didn't even got enough for a pint ... It cost me no more than three quids to get my hands on it ..." chuckled the inspector.
"Well thank you darling for bringing me back my heritage." smiled the official, placing a tender kiss on the other man's lips. "Tho I don't even want to know what you were doing in a charity shop ..."
"Oh undeceive you ... I really think you'd like to know what happened in this shop." the young woman laughed while following her two hosts through the living room.
"You should probably let the painting somewhere here, I'll ask to have it hanged in my office at the Diogene Club if that okay with you darling." proposed the elder Holmes while making his way to the liquor cabinet and pouring each of them a glass of fine red wine. "Molly, have a seat please."
"Oh, there is a lot of new pictures around here since last time I came." remarked the young woman while sinking into one of the mellow couches.
"Yes, that's the thing with children, they seem to change a lot in a very little amount of time ..." smiled Greg, accepting the glass his partner was offering him. "And a lonely child might get his photography expert father a little soft ..."
"From someone who have around 700 pictures of him in all kind of clothing and places possible on his phone, I'm definitely taking that as a compliment." Mycroft laughed, taking a seat for himself nearby his partner. "So, what about this charity shop ?"
"You first Molly. Woman's privilege." the detective grinned.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay so I'm not going to host the contest of "who get all the reference I've include in this chapter" but if you haven't picked any, there is really something wrong with you and it's more than time to start to watch The League of Gentlemen.

That's said, I admit having taken absolutely EVERYTHING in this chapter from TLoG and if I dn't claim any credit for it, I have absolutly no shame whatsoever XD

Also this chapter is of course for my fellow Phil lover and general Gatissean half-sister(ish) WholockedEllie who I know is already depressed at the time I'm writing those line ( somewhere near the end of may tbh ) because I've teased her the chapter more than a month before she can read it - I shall defo work for the BBC, that's the only proof I need to include on my CV srsly-. So yeah whatever, I hope you enjoy it nonetheless because God knows, it's a shit business ...

Love xxx

Daniel -something long in the middle- Lazarus