I am not lonely [Mystrade]

CHAPTER 78 : Bareskin

"Darling ? What are you doing ?" wondered Greg, knocking on the bathroom's door. It has been more than half an hour his partner had been locked down in the room and he was starting to wonder what the auburn could possibly be doing that would take him so long.
He waited a couple of seconds for an answer before knocking again. "Are you alright Myc' ?" he asked again, still obtaining no answer.
Starting to be really worried something had happened, the detective used his thief skills to open the locked door. Unlike he may have thought, the official wasn't dead or unconscious but he was sat on the floor, his back against a wall, knees against the chest and head in the arms, not moving in the slightest.
Carefully, the inspector sat down beside his husband and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, placing the elder Holmes' head on his own shoulder gently rubbing his fingers on the pale skin of his neck.
"Shush ..." he whispered softly. "I'm here don't worry ..."
The official had a few tears rolling on his cheek but more than that it was his sad, lightless eyes that were giving away the distress he was feeling. He was looking at a point on the wall opposite him, not blinking, not saying anything but apparently pacified by the warmth of his boyfriend body against him.
"Shush ... What is going on ?" wondered the inspector, tenderly placing his palm on the auburn's chin and turning the younger's man face so their eyes met.
"I can't do it Gregory, I'm sorry ..." the man admitted, looking deeply sorry. "But you should go, enjoy yourself."
"And let you here alone ? No way. I'm not having fun without you honey." retorted the detective before placing soft and light kisses on the official's forehead.
"You shouldn't deprive yourself from a good time just for me Greg ..." moaned the elder Holmes.
"A good time is a time with you Myc'." replied the policeman, tightening his embrace. "So, what is going on ?"
"I don't know, I just can't do it. Go outside, in front of all those people. I'm not like you Greg, I can't show myself to people like that." tried to explain the auburn, hazardly.
"Why ? What do you think people will do to you ?" tried to understand his partner, rubbing a hand against the tall man's back.
"That's what I was saying, you can't understand. People like you can't understand people like me." muttered the official.
"I'm trying to understand darling, I really do, but I need your help on this." the inspector scolded him gently. "I've proposed you to go to the swimming pool yesterday and you were looking quite happy and now you are locked down in the bathroom. I just want to understand what happened really ..."
"I thought I would have been able to go there, after all these years avoiding the swimming pools. And it was making so happy I thought I should at least tried but I can't ..." explained the elder Holmes, looking ashamed by his failure.
"You shouldn't do anything just to please me !" exclaimed Gregory softly. "Why did you avoid swimming pools ?"
"Who would want to see a person like me in swimming trunks ?" simply sighed Mycroft before sinking his head in his boyfriend's neck once more to hide a tear.
It wasn't hard for the detective to understand that once again the official was the victim of all the bad dictum and all the insult he had received about his body since his early childhood, mainly by his own family, Mrs Holmes and Sherlock in the vanguard. All those years of body shamming had made the auburn severely insecure about his own body and Greg remembered the first time they had slept together.
The elder Holmes had insisted on every lights being turned off and had checked himself to see if the curtains were well closed before accepting to take his clothes off and even then, the detective had felt him shivering, unsure of what was going to happen when he would discover his body. Greg had thought that the auburn was unsure because it was the first time they were reaching that level of intimacy but with time passing he was now sure that it wasn't the only reason. He recalled himself the recoil movement Mycroft had unconsciously made when he had placed his hands on his waist and tried to bring him closer to his own body.
When he had awakened the next morning, Mycroft was already fully dressed and even if he had been soft and unbelievably romantic, Greg remembered feeling a little hurt by the fact that the man who was now his boyfriend wouldn't let him appreciate him fully. It had taken more than six months before the auburn had finally accepted to take a shower with him and three more months before it became more or less comfortable for him to let his partner see him naked without trying to hide or grab the nearest towel or nightgown to hide behind.
If he had grown his self-confidence around Greg, Mycroft was still unable to get outside without hiding behind multiple layer of clothing and even when they were hanging out at the beach, he would never take his shirt off if there was anyone around. Honestly, the detective really should have thought about that before proposing to his boyfriend to go to the swimming pool.
Slowly, Greg got up, bringing his husband with him, still holding him tightly against his chest. Then softly he started undressing him, placing little kisses on his skins, the official first resisting before starting to appreciate the softness of his partner. He ran his lips over every insecurities the auburn had about his body, starting with his nose and making his way down to the little scar he had on the edge of his little toe.
The elder Holmes was now feeling a little cheered up and when his husband came back to his lips he kissed him fiercely, measuring the luck he had to have such a gentle man beside him. The detective seized his hand and lead him to their bed, laying him down on the soft fabric of their bed sheet and kissing him again.
The official was trying to unbutton his shirt but he repulsed his hand gently. "I want you to realise how beautiful you are." he whispered to his ear before stepping back and grabbing his phone in his back pocket. He wanted to take pictures of him to show him how nice he was looking from a different perspective but the auburn looked more than afraid at the simple idea of his body being expose on a picture and grabbed a nightgown on a chair nearby.
Understanding that he may have done the things a bit to quickly, Gregory came back to the bed and sat near his partner gently wrapping an arm round his body, pocketing his phone once again. "I'm sorry Myc' ... I didn't wanted to turn you off like that..." he apologized."I just thought that it would help you to see yourself from another person point of view you know ..."
"Don't be sorry. You try your best to take care of this fat stupid git and he still reacts stupidly." moaned the elder Holmes, running tenderly his fingers across the other man's chest.
"Don't be that harsh on yourself darling." the policeman protested. "You are not fat, you are beautiful. I'd wish you'd see that, you'd see you through my eyes just once ..."
"Would you let me take a picture of you before you take one of me ?" wondered Mycroft shyly.
"Yes, yes of course darling." nodded the policeman before running a single finger on the other man's cheek.
Slowly, the auburn started to undress his husband, his hands lingering on the perfect abs and on the nicely shaped thighs, both things he was sure not to possess. He always had found the detective body absolutely flawless but now that he was looking carefully to every inch of it, he could see the little scars and scratches that came over time with every little injuries you experience, not to mention the scars let by his recent injuries, long and thin marks crossing his torso which were slowly turning a bright brown and becoming less visible as time was passing.
Him, who had despised all the little default in his body, was starting to understand that even the most perfect man had some flaws and that it could even had something sexy like those thin marks on his partner's chest and even if he was still unsure about his body he was starting to accept the idea of having a picture of him taken.
After ten minutes of exploring his boyfriend's body more than he ever had before, the auburn stepped up and grabbed the inspector's phone that was laying on the bedside and take a few steps back while Greg was sitting down on his heels and turning his face toward the camera.
Mycroft opened the phone's camera and snapped a couple of pictures before checking they were good enough. He modified a little the lightening and boosted the colours with the tools unclosed in the phone's camera before coming back to his husband, showing him the result.
Greg, who had never seen himself from this angle never had realised how muscular his torso looked and the weird pattern the scars were tracing on his chest, as if a kid had started a drawing and had let it half unfinished. His thighs were also looking thinner and his collar bones more prominent than ever and that helped him understand why the auburn was always prizing his body that much. He never had found himself notably hideous or fat but he never had thought either he was this fit or this tanned and if he had to be honest, he was finding himself rather cute and sexy on this picture.
He seized the phone from his partner's hand and leaned to kiss him softly on the cheek. "Ready darling ?" he whispered into his ear, earning himself a stiffly nod from the official. He took a couple of steps back and opened the phone's camera snapping a couple of pictures before discreetly turning the sound off. As soon as he thought that the detective was finished with taking picture and that he was just enhancing it, the elder Holmes relaxed himself and even smiled. Gregory took advantage of the unawareness of his lover to snap a couple more picture and finally chose one to enhance and show him.
He handled the phone to the elder Holmes who was surprise to see a picture of him smiling. Even when fully dressed it was fairly rare to find him smiling on a picture, so in this kind of position it would had seemed absolutely impossible to him. From a distance, he remarked that the camera hadn't captured all of his scars and that his skin looks fairly perfect excepted a trail of freckles around his shoulders and arms. When looking from this angle, the auburn also remarked that his tummy was looking perfectly flat and that even his arms were looking rather muscular, so did his thighs. Maybe Gregory was right ? Maybe he wasn't that hideous after all ?

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The music enclosed is called "In the middle of the night" by Hugo Hans and the awesome clip is by the very talented Harry Holland. If you liked it, go check Harry's youtube chanel :)