Drive-Thru

Another Person

I read somewhere, I think from The Time Keeper, that when a man is left with nothing, he starts to tell his own story.

(I need to rephrase that earlier statement. Pero nakakatamad mag-proofread. Hindi kasi gender-neutral. Kaya kayo, mga beshies, be wary of the pronouns and the identifiers you use. Do'n tayo sa for ebribadi.)

Anyway, I wanted to write a short story, but I can't commit to it.

And it really sucks. Big time.

Alam mo 'yung may snippets ka ng ideas for short stories, like really good ideas. But dahil sobrang tanga ni kuya, hindi niya tinake-down. Kaya ayun, ba-bye idea. Pero alam kong nasa utak ko pa rin. Kailangan ko lang ng trigger (a.k.a. shower).

There's also this feeling that I wanted to become another person now. I want to invest on a certain character and feel his/her life. Struggle. Be happy. Think of the scenes in my head.

It's not that I don't want to live my life right now. I just miss writing!

Pero hanggang ganito lang muna ang kaya ko. Nakakaiyak.

--

I saw a post about why does it hurt when people leave you. I skimmed the post (sad), but I get to pick some words from it that formed an idea.

Those people are like duct tape pasted on our skin.

It fucking hurts when you pull them away.

My analogy had some flaws, of course, kasi bakit mo naman ididikit ang duct tape sa balat mo in the first place. Ano ka, tanga? Kung alam mo naman palang makakasakit sa 'yo, go ka pa rin?

But to answer the question, I believe it's because you gave that certain someone a piece of you.

It's one of the questions I don't have a definite answer yet, because even I am looking for it. I plan to write a short story compilation of it as well.

But for now, basta alam ko masakit. And deal with that.

--

Mabilis ma-drain ang social energy ko, lalo na kung kasama ko ang mga kaibigan ko. 

(Syempre, kung sasabihin ko 'to sa friends ko, 'di sila maniniwala. Feeling nila infinite ang social energy ko. Huhuhu.)

Ngayon, I feel like I'm extending my limit already. Kasi na-reach ko na siya nang sobrang tagal na. And honestly, it feels good. I didn't know I'm capable of doing that!

--

(Di ko alam kung bakit, pero now I feel like writing from my friend's perspective. Ang gulo ko forever.)

I was finally doing better these days, and then you messaged me.

Sa wakas, nasabi ko na sa sarili ko, "I want to move forward." Kasi alam ko naman kung ano ang end-game natin. I don't want to go in something that I know I won't be happy and will only give me sadness. 

Sabi nga ni Phoebe, non-verbatim, kung dahil sa kaniya hindi magiging masaya si Monica, hindi na rin siya magiging masaya. At ayaw niyang maging siya ang rason kung bakit hindi siya masaya.

Just thinking of you makes me sad, not happy. 

Am I already mourning at our ending?

Maybe.

Or was it just my overthinking state? I haven't confessed to you. And I don't plan to. Because I convinced myself--and my friend even helped me in this--that these, too, shall pass.

I want to move forward and be happy.

And then, you messaged me.

Ito naman si tanga, parang aso kung humabol sa amo.

--

I just want all of my friends in one picture, and finally, I'll have another thing that would make me cry.

--

He was a person. She was another.

They were destined to be with each other.

But as they passed by each other, the god of love told himself, No, not today. Not yet.

--

End. I'm sorry for wasting your time again.