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Another Sad Post

ACTUALLY, THIS IS not a sad post.

Or you judge. If it's dragging, I'm sorry, but I'll try not to make it as one. I read about something to make writing a daily habit, not just waiting for motivation and inspiration to come. E tamang-tama naman ang kuya niyo. So, let's just try something like this first.

I believe in this silly thing: the world has its ways to balance things. So, if you're happy at one moment, there's the opposite that would happen in the near future. And vice versa.

It happened to me in extreme these past few days.

Ever had the feeling that you're really happy at one point, then suddenly it drops in an instant? Gano'n. Usually it happens during the morning and afternoon. I was sulking, a total drama king. I hate it when I'm at that stage, but I deal with it. Kesa naman maapektuhan 'yung ibang kasama ko pati 'yung academics ko.

I ask myself, what's wrong? Why are you like this?

No answer.

I don't think I'll ever have an answer for this. I hate to say this phrase, but it fits. I don't know.

Is it because I'm infatuated? Or just the jitters because of the first weeks of school?

Haaaaaaaay.

And my mind is like this:
I WANT TO BE SAD.
I DON'T WANT TO BE SAD.

Ayoko na.
Hindi. Laban!

A sad thought.
A voice in my head says, "Oops. Pick yourself up. Come on, you can do it!"

Panicking.
Calm down, you're good.

Ayoko na talaga.
Hindi. Lalaban ka pa talaga.

May isang beses na bigla na lang akong sinalubong ng sobrang daming bad thoughts. It was after class, and I'm just waiting for my friends and then we'll hang out. Tapos biglang nangyari 'yun.

Panic. Panic. Panic.

So I walked like a zombie from a building to another. Tapos babalik na naman ako. Masakit na paa ko kasi sa sapatos kaya umupo ako. Play ng sad songs. Think. Think. Think.

It almost came to the point that I wanted to cancel and just sulk. Pero, hindi. Di ako talkshit. Unlike others (oops).

But nooooo. Bigla ko na lang naisip, "Come on! You'll meet your friends. You can't go like this!"

And I changed the song to a really upbeat one. Di gumana. Try again. Medyo. Tapos nagtext 'yung friend ko na nando'n na siya.

I smiled and went to our meeting place.

So really, wala talagang kwenta 'tong post na 'to. I just rambled for 400+ words. Wala rin akong gustong sabihin o ano.

Maybe, everything will make sense in the future. Kaya ngayon, paniwalaan mo muna ang sarili mo: kunyari, may sense ang lahat. Kahit na wala talaga. Kahit di mo mahanap ang sagot sa mga tanong mo.