Why Can't It Be?

Chapter 17 - The Answer

"Magandang gabi mga kapamilya. Ngayong gabi ay may espesyal tayong mga bisita. Nataon sa anniversary ng ating show ang pagpapaunlak nila sa atin ng exclusive na exclusive na interview. Following their newly signed contract with ABC-SBN, we have with us today one of the most sought out celebrities of their generation!"

I can hear the cheers and the loud introduction of the host but I was frozen in my place. All I remembered was me looking at Jan and feeling his hand intertwined with mine. My heart melted, my insides too. My feelings were all over the place. What is happening to me?

I knew I was about to cry not really knowing the exact reason why.

"Kapamilya, let's all welcome Jan Antonio and Lila--" Jan slowly moved, he was about to walk to the stage to show himself taking me with him but he stopped when I wasn't moving.

"Let's go--" I heard him "Camilla?" I raised my head to meet his gaze but my eyes were clouded with tears.

"What's going on? Bakit ka umiiyak?" he went nearer and raised my chin to have a better look at me.

"W-wala..." I heard myself say.

"Jan and Lila...tinatawag na kayo don." one staff came up to us.

"Teka lang po, can we have five minutes? She's not okay." Jan asked the staff. He sounded very worried as he looked at me again. He wanted to say something but he didn't.

"No, it's okay." I said wiping my tears away. Narealize kong nadedelay kame because of me. Because I started crying. Because I started to act and feel weird. Nakakahiya.

"Tara na." sabi ko. "I'm sorry po Kuya, medyo nagkapanic attack lang po ng kaunti." I reasoned out. Umalis na rin yung staff at iniwan kame ni Jan.

Jan didn't leave his eyes.  I saw how he frowned, maybe confused of my sudden tears or my strange reaction entirely.

"Are you sure? Kung di ka kumportable, we can always cancel this Camilla. Di naman ito live eh. Magagawan ko ng paraan--" sabi pa ni Jan. I know what he is trying to do but I can't explain to him why I am feeling this way.

I took a deep breath before looking at him but as soon as I met his eyes, there's something within me that keeps on melting. Damn his effect on me.

"Y-yeah. I'm sure. Okay na ako ngayon Jan." I tried to smile. I don't know how that smile showed on my face but I knew Jan wasn't buying it.

Tinititigan pa niya ako bago siya tumango.
Tapos bumaba ang tingin niya sa mga kamay namin na magkahawak.

"Are you uncomfortable with this?" his voice was sad.

Napatingin din ako sa mga kamay namin. "Hindi naman. Uhm, hindi lang pa siguro ako sanay na magka loveteam na uli tayo. We never held hands even before and--" before I finished naramdaman ko ang pagbitaw niya sa kamay ko. Dahan dahan lang niyang binitawan.

"I'm sorry. Masyado yatang mabilis. I'm sorry that I did not ask for your permission. I just thought you'll feel better kapag ganito." malungkot niyang sabi. Halos habulin ko ulit yung kamay niya para hawakan pero agad niyang ipinamulsa ito.

I sighed not knowing what to say next.

"So, okay ka na? Pwede na tayong pumunta doon?" turo niya sa labas.