Why Can't It Be?

Chapter 18 - The Girl Friend

I couldn't sleep that night. I tried everything, but nothing worked for me.

I kept on shifting on my bed. Side view. Prone. Supine. Fetal position. Nakataas ang legs sa wall pero wala pa din, di ako dinadalaw ng antok. It's like my mind slept the whole day at ngayon ay gising na gising siya.

I kept on thinking. About many things. About him.

It's corny, pero nakikita ko si Jan pag pumipikit ako. Grabe talaga ang side effects ng beef tapa. Ano ba kasi ang meron sa beef tapa na yun? I exasperated a breath then decided to go out of my room.

Naglakad ako hanggang sa may balcony. I slid the glass door open and went outside. From my place kitang kita ang busy streets ng Manila. Madami pa ring sasakyan kahit sobrang late na.

The wind is blowing just fine, hindi ganun ka lamig pero may konting kalakasan. I sat on my lounger and watched the lights flicker from a nearby building.

Dinala ko sa taas yung mga paa ko and hugged my knees. Nililipad ng hangin yung silk na robe na suot ko.

Then I remembered what happened earlier. Jan's answers kept on bothering me.

Hindi naman niya sinabing ako yun, but then I am so bothered and affected like this. Affected ako kung ako yun, affected pa din ako kung hindi ako yun. It's so frustrating.

I was having a silent talk with my own self. I needed to say it out loud. I needed to take it out of my mind.

"Okay, let's get this straight Camilla. You like him. You like Jan." there I finally said it. I could admit it to myself at least.

"Kung gaano? Hindi ko alam." I admitted honestly too. That's what I wanted to confirm even just to myself. Kung gaano ko na ba siya ka gusto.

"Do I want him to like me back?" napaisip ako.

"Of course you do, huwag kang magpa cute diyan Camilla." inis kong sabi sa sarili ko mismo.

Napatingala ako sa langit. There were stars pero konti lang.

I managed to smile upon the realization that I never felt this way before. Nobody gave me sleepless nights. I dated, yes. But I wasn't this invested towards anyone.

"Ganito ba yung feeling ng naiinlove?" I chuckled and scoffed at the same time. Nakatingin lang ako sa stars as if waiting for the answers to appear in the sky.

Naisip ko, this week mas madalas na kameng magkakasama. We will do photoshoots, mag shoot na rin kame for the movie then may location pa yun out of town. There will also be endorsements that we'll do together. Which means, I'll be spending most of my time with Jan.

There's a possibility na mas makilala pa namin ang isa't isa. There's a possibility na makakagetover din ako dito sa feelings ko or the other way around.

Naguunahan yung excitement ko tyaka kaba because of that. Kaya kahit halos mag alas dos na ng madaling araw gising na gising pa rin ang diwa ko.

I stood up from where I was sitting and decided to go back to bed hoping na makatulog na rin ako. I need to sleep. Maaga pa call-time ko bukas.

Nadaanan ko sa kitchen ang bouqet of tulips na bigay ni Jan sa akin. I placed it in a vase with water para medyo mas tumagal pa siya. I admired it and smiled.

Lumapit ako don and then I took the card from the table and read his short message again. My heart fluttered more.

"Nako Jan Antonio panindigan mo tong feelings ko, sinasabi ko sayo!" I said talking to the card that came with the flowers.