Why Can't It Be?

Chapter 30 - The Award

Last week of June na at malapit na rin matapos ang shooting ng movie namin ni Jan. After straight weeks of nonstop filming, nagbunga din ang pagod ng lahat. Last shooting day namin is this week, Friday.

Looking forward to that day dahil may three days kameng off ni Jan bago mag presscon. I don't know what are the exact plans pero ang alam ko ay out of town.

I wasn't really expecting na papayagan pa kameng magbakasyon after what I did a month ago. When I went to Paris to see Jan. I was given a memo and in my world, it's literally a death note.

I apologized that night to Ma'am Chloe over the phone but she said it was unacceptable. Pinagbantaan niya akong tanggalan ng kontrata if I would not get my self together.

Buong buhay ko bilang artista hindi ako naging pasaway. Lahat ng utos nila sinusunod ko. Lahat ng ipagawa nila sa akin hindi ko kinuwestyon tapos isang beses lang ako nagkamali at handa nila akong pakawalan.

People really do change when they lose interest in you, when you cannot be of benefit to them. At times, it's scary to think that I am being surrounded with those kinds of people.

I felt a twitch inside my chest, am I that useless? Am I really just a charity case? Is my career only surviving because Jan asked for it? Did I failed to make a name for my self?

I felt sad. I felt less. I felt I was fading.

Jan was very worried of me and my career. Kahit wala akong sabihin, he would still bring me into his arms and tell me that I am worth every decision he has made. Pinapanindigan niya ako. Pinaglalaban kung kinakailangan.

Hindi niya ako pinabayaan. He asked Ma'am Chloe to still reconsider but if worse comes to worst, he assured me na hindi niya hahayaan ng mag isa.

Fortunately, nagkasundo rin kame ni Ma'am Chloe. She agreed to not let me go and made me promise that it would be the last time I'll ever act that way.

I was never the management's favorite. Naging maingay lang ang pangalan ko kaya inalagaan din nila ako ng husto for a period of time. But I was never their favorite and I do not wish to be one.

For a second, parang gusto ko ng tumigil. Parang gusto ko ng iwan na lang yung mundong nakasanayan ko. I had the need to drop everything and just run away but I never did.

I reminded my self of my dreams. I reminded my self of people who were rooting for me. Si Mommy at kahit pati na rin si Daddy, si Jan. My goal is for them to be proud of me kaya hindi ako titigil just because others are waiting for me to fail.

I am more than that. I am more than just a star whose shine flickers, fades and dies in the vast galaxy. I am made of the light of the freaking sun that will blind you with my brightness.
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Grabe ang bilis ng araw. Sobrang dami ring nangyayari sa paligid namin.

The world of showbiz nowadays was literally shook.

It's been weeks after the biggest news in showbiz broke in. Yung naging kaso ni Emil Suarez at ng kapatid niyang si Ate Pamela. Naalala kong dapat ay naging handler ko siya noon, mabuti na lang at si Ate Pure ang na assign sa akin dahil may naka leave pa siya nung time na yon.

Nakakagulat talaga. It was a big scandal that  involved the two of them, Direk Dj and Ate Kathryn. Naging malaking balita iyon sa mundo ng showbiz, halos araw araw ay sila ang  laman ng balita.