Why Can't It Be?

Chapter 28 - The Promise

Okay, I admit it kanina ang confident ko nung naisip ko na sabihin ko na ang magic words kay Jan but now that he is outside seating on my bed hindi naman ako mapakali.

He prepared dinner for us. Doon lang sa mismong hotel. He reserved an area just for the two of us. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nagawa ang last minute arrangements but it was perfect. Parang matagal na naplano sa sobrang perfect.

Candlelit dinner, the view outside our window is no less than the magical Eiffel Tower. Punong puno pa din ng petals yung nilalakaran ko hanggang sa makarating ako sa table namin.

I wonder how many roses have sacrificed para lang pakiligin ako ni Jan ng ganito.

Jan was very attentive of me all night. Siya yung naghahain ng food, at times sinusubuan pa. We talked and laughed about the usual stuff and enjoyed every conversation. Indeed, we were having the best night together.

Past 12 na rin ng umakyat kame sa room ko after we went outside to have a close view of the Eiffel Tower. Kinuhanan niya ako ng pictures and we also took selfies of us which I immediately posted in my Instagram account.
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I'm inside my bathroom right now walking back and forth trying to decide on how I will tell him the "magic words".

It seemed so simple when I was just thinking about it pero nung prinaktis ko na sa harap ng salamin, halos di lumabas yung mga salita sa bibig ko.

"Parang ang awkward naman kung bigla ko lang ibubulong sa kanya." I said stopping in front of the mirror. I fixed my hair behind my ears. Panay ang hawi ko sa buhok ko dahil sa tensyon.

"Dapat yata, nag lasing na lang kame para mas confident ako to do this." sabi ko.

Pero ayoko din naman. I want us to be both sober when it happens. Ang pangit nung wala kameng vivid na memory of our first lovemaking because we were to drunk to remember.

"Love making." inulit ko sa utak ko. My internal self is squirming. I covered my mouth baka bigla akong mapatili. I just can't believe it that I am just minutes away before it happens.

"My God! Kaya ko ba? Kaya ba nung ano ko..." napahawak ako sa area na yun. Sa tangkad ni Jan, I'm sure he is also big in size down there. Di ba ganun yun? I read it somewhere. My God talagang yun ang concern ko? I could just laugh at my own crazinesd.

I was fanning my self. The confines of the bathroom suddenly grew hot. Uminit bigla sa loob or was it only me? Ako yung mainit? Ako yung nag iinit? Perhaps, I was feeling hot already with the anticipation.

I twisted my legs inward feeling the moist that I was beginning to feel in between.

"Ganito ba talaga? May ganitong pakiramdam talaga pre love making? Why do I feel wet...down...there?" sa sobrang kaba ko yata pinapawisan na pati mga inguinal areas ko.

"Kailangan ko maligo. Kailangan fresh ako." sabi ko as if I just found the perfect plan.

I needed to be fresh and clean before doing it so I decided na mag shower na muna.

After a little more contemplation, I opened the door of the bathroom slightly.

"Boo..." nadatnan ko siyang nanonood lang ng TV. Nakatalikod siya, saka lang humarap nung tinawag ako.

Agad naman siyang dumalo sa akin "Yes Baby?" sabay patay niya ng TV gamit ang remote.

"Uhm, mag shower lang ako saglit..." I trailed. I waited for a reaction but he was just staring.