Why Can't It Be?

Chapter 15 - The Caption

I blame myself for not checking who's outside the door before opening it. I blame Jan for always doing surprise visits. I blame the cozy bed for being so comfortable. I blame Keira for giving me these panties. I even blame Hello Kitty for even existing.

"Camilla." I heard Jan from the other side of the door. He knocked.

"Ahh...wait lang. Pa-palabas na." I called. Bakit ba siya pumasok pa din? Bakit ba nagaantay pa din siya? Gusto ko siyang paalisin pero nakakahiya naman.

Should I come out and pretend like he did not see anything? Should I say sorry for flaunting my panties before him? Hindi ako makapag isip kung ako yung una kong gagawin.

After a minute, I decided to come out. Wearing the jeans I was wearing earlier. Paglabas ko, naabutan ko siyang nakaupo sa may paanan ng kama at nanonood ng TV. Nagmadali akong pumunta sa may salamin para mag ayos ng sarili. Gulo gulo din kasi buhok ko.

Jan slightly turned to look at me pagkalabas ko mula sa banyo at agad din binalik yung mata niya sa TV pero pinatay niya agad yun at humarap sa akin.

I was praying to all the saints in heaven na hindi na iopen ni Jan ang topic na pilit kong iniiwasan.

"Do you usually dress like that?" he asked straightaway. Akala ko pa naman di niya ime-mention pa. There goes my escape from this awkwardness. Sinusumpa ko si Hello Kitty sa mga oras na yon.

"No. Nagkataon lang na wala ako ibang masuot dito and malay ko bang ikaw ang nasa pintuan?" naiilang kong sagot sa kanya na may bahid din ng inis. Could he stop bringing it up already?

Pero it was useless dahil mas pinagdiinan pa niya ang nangyari. "So say it wasn't me, ibig sabihin makikita ka ng ibang lalake na ganun lang ang suot mo?" kumunot ang noo niya sa akin.

"What do you want me to say? Gusto mo bang mag sorry ako? Fine, my apologies. Na corrupt ko yang innocent eyes mo." I said without looking at him though I can feel his eyes on me. I wanted to sound like it wasn't a big deal for me.

Pwede namang hindi big deal dahil nag t-two piece naman ako. Nakita na rin naman ako ni Jan na naka bikini nung nasa Boracay kame. That confidence crawls back in whenever I meet his eyes.

Kakaiba siya tumingin eh, parang hinuhubad yung pagkatao ko. He stares like he can see through me. Nahihiya bigla yung kaluluwa ko sa kanya.

Jan scoffed and stood up "Buti na lang at ako ang nakakita." he said.

Napatingin ako sa kanya ng narinig ko yon. I was half embarrassed and half kinikilig? I wasn't sure on how to react.

"What's that smile for?" he frowned. I did not even realize I was already smiling until he told me.

I quickly plastered a straight face. "Huh? Nothing." I shook my head and went back to combing my hair. "Why are you here anyway?" I asked changing the topic.

"Nasa malapit lang kasi ako so I thought na sabay na tayong pumunta." he answered. Nagkatinginan kame sa mirror. He was lying again on top of the bed again hugging one pillow. Napapapikit siya. He looks tired.

"Dapat nagpahinga ka na lang kesa pumunta ka dito." sabi ko at dumilat siya.

"I was texting you. Tinatanong kita kung nagdinner na kayo?" he said. Noon ko lang din nacheck ang phone ko. May mga text messages nga siya at isang missed call. Masyadong napahimbing ang nap ko at di ko man lang to narinig.