The dentist appointment

12. Dental phobia conversation

After sitting in the tub for a while the water began to run colder and we decided to get out. We dressed ourself in warm and comfy clothes. I went downstair and put on the kettle to make some tea to the both of us. While I was stirring our teas Harry came in to the kitchen towards me and wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled his head into my neck. I took a deep breath and asked «Can we go and have a seat in the sofa? There is something we have to talk about.» Harry nodded, and we took out teas and went into the living room.

I nuzzled myself into a blanket and we both sat there cross-legged toward each other. I suddenly started getting nervous, I really didn's want to have this talk but I do want to get rid of my fear, and in order to do that I need to have this talk with Harry.

Harry's point of view:

I saw Nina started getting nervous. I just took my hand and pressed it towards her knee. «There is nothing to be nervous about now love. Here we are just the two of us, in our own home, nuzzled under a blanket in our favourite comfy clothes. We even have a warm cup of delicious tea.» I smiled at her. She started laughing a bit. «I know, I know. There is no place I feel more safe in this world than being here in our shared beloved home with you. It's not that I'm nervous about, it's what we need to talk about that get me this tensed» she answered. «What is it that you want to talk about?» «I think we need to have a conversation about what happened earlier, about my fear of the dentist and how I'm going to manage get over it.» I was so shocked that she brought up this conversation. Nina isn't the type of girl that normally starts conversations about things that she doesn't like. I am so proud of her. «Well, yes I agree that we need to have a conversation about it. I thought I'll wait having this conversation with you for a couple of days, cause I didn't think you would want to talk about it today. But I am very proud that you bring it up baby.»

Nina's point of view:

I feel like my cheeks are going to burn up. I'm not made for having conversations like this. I hate how I feel when I talk about things I don't like, like I feel so vulnerable, tiny and like a small child. «I feel like there is no need purspone this conversation.  The only thing that will give me is more time to think about all the negative things and it will honestly do more bad than good.» «That's very mature of you Nina. I will answer all of the questions you might have and I will try to be as most honest and supportive that I can, ok? I really want to help you with this phobia, but then there is things we both need to know about each other. And the only way for us to learn to have more trust and understanding for each other is for us to be really open about it and being honest.»

«Yes, I know. When I was filling the bathtub earlier I had some time to think for myself. I first of all really want to apologise for making you feel like your a horrible boyfriend. I know you haven't said that you feel that way, but after my behaviour today I kind of know that you are feeling sad about it. And as for our conversation when we got home, I do understand that your sternness at the clinic was for my own good. I want to be honest with you and say that I felt a bit scared of you as a person when I was there, but thats because I saw a different side of you than I have done before. I know that some days at the clinic have been hard for you due to not so cooperate patients and to childish teenagers, but I was a mix of them both. I totally understand that you didn't mean to personally hurt me in any way, I know, but I was just so scared. I also started to realise that you truly do love your job. You invest yourself to it, and are really excited for a new day at work every day. I really admire you for that, cause there isn't a person that I know that loves his work more than you do. It's inspiring. And your kind of good at your job too. There is not you that need forgiveness Harry, it's me. I hope you will forgive me.»

«I am so glad that you understand what I was trying to do. I at some times today felt a little helpless cause it felt like there wasn't anything I could say or do to make you understand that I did what I did to help you. I do forgive you, you don't have to worry about that my love. But I also want forgiveness from you. I work with patients every week who are dealing with phobia of the dentist, I have always felt very safe with how I have been dealing with their phobias cause they have been 'just another patient with dental phobia', but today it was very different cause you aren't 'just another patient'you are by best friend and the love of my life. I have never been scared going to the dentist myself, so for me it's very hard to understand how it feels for you when you are with me at the clinic. And I have never dealt with personal cases like this before. I really hope that we together can come up with a plan on how we can deal with this and slowly but surly get rid of your fear.»

«Of course I do forgive you Harry. I'm just so happy that you never get to experience dental phobia, you aren't missing out on anything.» We both laughed. He looked so lovely at me. Now here I am sitting with my boyfriend, but actually I'm talking to my dentist right now. I'm sitting in my living room talking to my dentist about my dental phobia. This isn't feeling like real life. «Harry, do you know that right now I am sitting here right knee to knee with you, looking you straight in your eyes and I am talking to my dentist about dental stuff? Hahaha.» «Haha, yes I know. And you are making me so proud. You are now taking your very first step. Admitting it to the person who can actually help you with your problem.» «Yeah I know, I'm kind of proud of myself. And I don't feel that scared anymore. It's kind of feels alright to talk about it. But, Harry. How am I going to manage to come over my fear of all of the tools, the clinic, the dental chair and the normal procedures? And then how am I going to manage to take my wisdom tooth out?» I gulped talking about my biggest fears. «First of, you have to let go of the thought «how am I», you need to think «how are WE. There is not only you, there is both of us. I am here to help you and we are going to do this together. Alright?» I nodded in agreement.