The dentist appointment

33. Worrying about the process

Nina's point of view:

A week passes by, doing the regular on the weekdays. I've been to some meetings about my book, and I'm a week from handing it in, I just need to read corrector. Harry has been working every day at the clinic as usual. «Love? I'm home» I could hear Harry shout from the entry. I was seated in a chair we have in the corner of our living room. It was better reading light here due to the massive windows behind me. «I'm in here» I shouted back, not leaving my eyes from the line I was reading. Harry came over and kissed me on my cheek. «Hi. I missed you today.» I look up at him, smiling. «That's nice of you, I missed you too.»

Later that night we were done watching 'Britain got talent'. I was snuggled up in between Harry's legs and he was holding on to my right hand, using his thumb to make small circles on my hand. I love it when he does that. «Have you had a good day?» Harry asked. I nodded, «Yeah, actually. I got a lot of corrector reading done and did get time to do the Friday cleaning around here, so I'm happy with that. And you?» Harry took his hands away and started braiding my hear. «My day was good too. Not too much to do, so I got a lot of paper work done today. Always a good feeling leaving the office on a Friday not worrying about the journals and stuff.» I breathed heavy due to the relaxing sensation I get from him playing with my hair. «That's good babe.»

After a few minutes of silence Harry asked «Can I give you a check-up? This week has just flown away, I have totally forgotten about it.» I am so used to Harry asking for check-ups for the past months, but I still get nervous. «Let's cuddle for a bit now.» I said to him. He didn't say anything against it. When he was done playing with my hair he laid his hands on my stomach. I took his right hand in mine and started playing with them. I've always loved playing with his hands, I don't know why but it's kind of comforting in a way. «Your hands are so pretty.» Harry only laughed at my comment. «It's true.» He just hummed.

«I feel like it it's just the same. It doesn't feel like it's gonna get better..» I said with a sad tone. «Hm? What are you talking about now?» Harry asked. «The whole dentist thing we have going on. I don't feel like I'm getting less scared and I certainly are not feeling more comfortable with having Liam around.» «Aww, honey. It's gonna be okay. These things take time, that's why I suggest us to do it so often.» «But don't you hear me? I don't feel less scared now than what I felt when I had the last check-up at your office the last time. That's over two months ago now, and we have done check-ups for at least twice a week since..»

«Nina, I do hear you. I know that you still are scared, but why do you only think about that? You have to start thinking about how far you have come. You have let me give you check-ups two or three times a week, that's a massive improvement. And I know it's been very hard on you having Liam here, but you have still done it three times already. You have to stop beat yourself up for being scared. You are allowed to be anxious and feel scared, but allow yourself to talk nice and give yourself compliments on what you actually manage. I am very proud of you. And Liam is often talking about how strong you are at handling this the way you do.»

As usual Harry was right about this too. I have a tendency of being very strong on myself for not handling things they way I want it to, but when I'm scared it isn't very easy. I continued playing with his fingers, not replying to what he said. He laid his head on my neck «I love you, and I know this is something we can figure out, you just have to give yourself time to do so, alright?» I nodded slowly and he kissed my cheek. «Should we go and give it a try?» «Mhm» I said not trusting my voice to talk, cause I could already feel tears staring to well in my eyes. I got up and started walking upstairs to our living room.

I could hear Harry walking behind me and I suddenly stop in my tracks turning around to him and hugging him tightly. Tears started running down my face and I started to sob when Harry hold on to me. «Are you so scared?» I nodded with my head in his neck. I was standing on my tiptoe to get even closer to him. «I'm sorry love, wish there was something I could do to make this all just go away.» My crying had slowed down and I spoke up. «I know Harry, that's why I feel so emotional. I know that everything you do due to this situation is you only trying to help me. I just get so sad being so scared around you when you are in dentist mood. I hate that I'm scared, because all I do is only loving you, and I don't want you to think otherwise.» «Baby, I know you love me. And you trying your best when it comes to this, is a way of you showing me that you love me. I'm sad that you are so scared of the dentist, but I have learnt to know that you trust me enough to help me. That makes me happy, makes my heart warm and my love for you grow stronger.»

I leaned my head back looking up at him, smiling. «As long as you know I love you, we can manage anything.» «That's very right my dear.» He took his hands on my cheek and kissed me. Wiping my tears away. I took his hand and guided him to the bedroom. I sat myself down at our bed and nodded to him. He went to the bathroom and I could hear he was washing his hands. He came back with everything and sat himself comfortable on the bed, putting a pillow on his crossed legs. I leaned back without him asking and he gave me a massive smile.