The dentist appointment

13. The plan

Harry's point of view:

I took another sip from my tea before saying «We don't have to worry about your wisdom tooth for now. There is no hurry for it to be taking out. I looked at the x-ray and it seemed fine and I also took a look at it whilst I was checking your mouth and it isn't infected. But can you promise to tell me straight away if anything hurts from now on? Everything that hurts indicates that I should take a look and see if there is anything that needs to be fixed. The longer you wait the bigger the problem it can get and both of us doesn't want that, right?»

«Thank heaven for not letting that be one of my worries for now. It scared my living soul out of me.. I will try my best to tell you if anything bothers me in the future, but I think that's something I need to work on, cause of my fear.» «And yeah, your fear, what is it really about?» She got a bit distressed and blushed lightly whilst looking down at her cup of tea. She took a sip from it and looked at me again.

«To be honest, I've just always been afraid. I think it might have something to do from my younger years. The dentist that I had wasn't very good at handling my fear. I wasn't very scared when I first started going to the dentist, it just gradually got worse and worse. He didn't get any better at trying to understand my vulnerability, so he did what he needed to do and did not want to listen to me and my anxiety. When I was14 I had cancelled my dentist appointment for the 4th time that year, I understood that I needed to go to another dentist. Cause my dental health has always been very important to me. That time I went to a female dentist, cause I thought her being a female she would be much more understanding to my problems. But she was much worse than the guy. She even forced a mouth prop into my mouth due to my distress. That was the last time I went to the dentist before I went and visited you. It's the power that you as a dentist have when I am a patient I don't like. I don't have any control over the situation at all. I need to be placed in your dental chair, when you are ready to do your work you push a bottom and the chair reclines and there I'm laying with a tray of scary tools are hanging just over my chest. There is a bright light hanging over me pointed on my mouth. There is all this tools around the chair that you might use to fill my mouth with, making it unable for me to talk. Making it hard for me to breath. And lastly there are this person dressed in medical clothes, wearing a mask over his mouth and nose only showing his eyes. His voice is muffled in the mask and everything just feels so overwhelming. That person is hanging over me and have all the control to do whatever he wants to do. And when I feel there is to much and my anxiety tells me that's enough now but the person who is hovering over me is in the position to decide whether to go trough with it or not, and dentist never stops and make the patients leave the clinic before they say 'we are finished now, see you in 6 months'. I have always been very insecure about my teeth. So there you have it...»

I could see her eyes welling up just taking to me about it. When she was done I leaned forward to grab her into my arms. I gave her a big hug saying 'sorry' into her ear. «I didn't know this, why haven't you told me about your earlier experiences?» «Cause I thought that every dentist had the same behaviour and that there was something wrong with me and not them. So when you told me that you are a dentist I was totally horrified. I saw you as a very loving and funny person that just always made me smile and it felt so great spending time with you. So I kind of just separated 'you as a dentist' from 'you as the private Harry'. I thought that you were just the same as the two others. So when you told me you wanted me to come to your clinic for a check up I went to my doctor and I got some relaxation medication. I didn't want to be another 'stupid patient', and I didn't want my phobia for the dentist ruin our great relationship.»

«Oh love.. You are the sweetest girl I know, and I am so sorry for what your earlier dentists have mistreated you. I will promise you that not all dentists are like them, and if you ask me they shouldn't even been dentists if they can't see the whole person just their teeth. That's very wrong. When I studied dentistry I had lots of different classes about seeing the patients as a individual person and I learned lots of dental phobias. Even though I have never experienced dental phobia myself, I do know a lot about it. But I need you to understand and know that you are not stupid because you have a fear, dental phobia is so common. It don't make you less of a person and it for sure don't make me love you any less. I am so glad you are telling me this, there is lots of things we can do to make you get over your strong fear. I am also very glad that your dental health has been important for you since such a early age, most of people don't care that much until their thirties.»

«Thank you for being so understandable Harry. You are always so kind to me. What can we do to make me visit you at work easier?» Nina asked blushing again. «What we can do is have more conversations about it, the more you know that I understand of your fear the more you will feel safer with me over time. I can bring a set of tools like a mirror and a probe home, so that you can get used to see it more often. I can bring a package of gloves and masks home, so I at times can find and use when I'm around you, just so that you can get used to the picture of it. I can look more towards your mouth when you are talking, eating or brushing your teeth, you then will feel more comfortable to me having a look. After a while we can start having check ups at home, you can sit in your favourite chair, in that way you might feel less intimidating than laying down. You also get used to me looking in your mouth. Then we can have you laying with your head in my lap and have small check ups. You can come and visit the clinic and me while I'm there dressed in my scrubs. And when you are more comfortable with this we will start with check ups down at the clinic. How does this sounds?» I smiled at her.

«It sounds a bit overwhelming, but I think there is no easier way for me to get used to the idea of bigger treatments than your ideas.» «Good. Well for today there has been enough talking and dental stuff. Should we just go to bed a cuddle and take an early night? You look quite tired.» «Yes, that sounds like the most perfect plan of them all. I'm exhausted.»

We went upstairs and I gave Nina some alone time in the bathroom, I'm not going to be in more dental modus today, so I let her brush her teeth alone. When I was done with my night routine I went to lay in our bed next to her, pulling her into my chest saying I loved her.