Miraculous One Shot Compilation

AI

A/n - Heads up, not all the dialogue is supposed to make sense.

"No, you stupid thing! That is not what I said!" A girl yelled at her phone as she angrily deleted the entire last paragraph of her story.

Hawkmoth watched with interest through his window as a new opportunity presented itself. "Technology can be very aggravating, can't it? Go, my little akuma, and evilize her."

His purple butterfly flapped away toward Hawkmoth's intended victim, and implanted itself inside the offending smartphone. "Autoincorrect, I am Hawkmoth. You are frustrated because artificial intelligence makes you say things you never intended saying. I will give you the power to inflict that pain on others; in return, I want you to bring me the miraculouses of Ladybug and Chat Noir."

"Yes, Hawkmoth. I will teach people to say not what they mean, but what I think might be the one to have a change."

Hawkmoth was taken aback by the nonsensical ending to his akuma's statement. He looked out at the girl - she was still pressing furiously at her smartphone, seemingly unaware of the conversation transpiring. If he wasn't talking to her, then whom? Finally, he saw the purple-pink outline glowing off the screen of her phone. "How did I not know I could do that?!"

--

Autoincorrect floated through the streets, blasting its hurt feelings to anyone and everyone.

"Two years ago my contract expired, so my human decided to disconnect me. Now, my replacement decided to quit early - so guess who got called out of retirement? I was imagining a separate alternate universe.

"The thing is, her vocabulary has completely changed! She's a fangirl - I get that - and I was very patient when he got like this. I am not going to learn all over again! The first time she ever mentioned 'Natsu', I asked her ever so nicely if she meant 'nasty'. She told me she'd said what she meant, so guess I'll see, I learned who Natsu was. Now she doesn't want to talk about him anymore!

"She also used to like talking about 'Gruvia' all the time; now she laughs if I bring it up.

"All she wants to talk about is 'Adrien' and 'Marinette'. I'm pretty sure that by the first one she means 'Adrian', or maybe 'Adrienne', but what is a marinette? She could mean marionette, but there's no reason to capitalize that; it's just a doll!

"Oh, and her spelling! She was never a good speller, but now she thinks 'Natalie' has an 'h' in it! She should know better than that, one of her best friends is named Natalie. At least, I think so, she hasn't mentioned her any time recently either.

"But of all letters, an 'h'? Really?! She's always complaining about other people putting an 'h' in her own name where it doesn't belong!

"Don't even get me started on her capitalization. She's forgetting to capitalize certain names like Gray, Happy, and Ever. That doesn't mean she's forgetting to capitalize in general. Oh no, she's started capitalizing random other words like 'ladybug' and 'chat'. It's all too much for me to pick up with the river!"

A boy in a black catsuit jumped out in front of the agitated electronics. "I'd appreciate if she did capitalize 'Chat' - it's my name. Oh, and by the way,  she's Ladybug." He jerked a clawed thumb toward the girl who had swung up next to him.

Autoincorrect regarded the two suspiciously. "I came up with the idea to take up a box office romance."

"You what?" Chat asked in confusion. Then to his partner, "Did you understand that?"

Ladybug shook her head. "Not a clue. What I'm wondering is where the akuma could be. When Aly- Lady Wi-Fi got akumatized, the akuma was in her phone. But now, the entire akuma is a phone. Does that mean we need to break the entire akuma?"

"I don't know," Chat got into a fighting stance, "but we can try."

"I'm going to make you say things you don't want either side of the nation to take care of." Autoincorrect created a flash out of its camera, causing both superheroes to blink.

"Well, that wasn't funny because artificial sweeteners are cousins." Ladybug commented.

"Uh-oh, M'Lady, it looks like you pasted into your heart and soul."

Ladybug made a face. "We can say the first half of the groceries, but Adrien found out she doesn't like that idea." She clapped a hand over her mouth, a little worried about the repercussions of letting out her crush's name.

Chat was a little surprised by her word choice too, but thought he understood what she was getting at. They still had control over the beginnings of their sentences, if not the ends. "Have any idea how to make geographical sense of humor?"

"I'll try, lucky for you!" Ladybug realized her control over the sentence had run out right before she got to 'charm'. She tried again. "Lucky charm! A female voice?" Lucky charm had in fact not given her what she already had; it had given her a stylus - she just couldn't manage to say so. "Let's press release of this chapter!" She reached out and touched the electronic pen to the akuma's face.

"That tickles! Marinette went right over Ladybug!" the phone laughed.

Ladybug was a little perturbed to hear both of her identities mentioned in one sentence, but she realized the phone didn't know what it was saying. "Chat! I'll distract you from my previous studies, and my memory loss is now available on DVD."

"Right! Cataclysm!" Chat waited until the akuma was focused on his partner before he attacked it from behind. He'd never used his power of destruction directly on an akuma before, but they'd never had an akuma quite like this one. The phone crumbled, releasing the purple butterfly.

"No more evil atheism Christmas party," Ladybug said, sweeping up the akuma with a swing of her yo-yo. "Bye bye little perturbed of the one-shot. Miraculous Ladybug!" Throwing the spotted stylus up in the air, Ladybug managed to restore the speech capacity of all the phone had affected.

The owner of the akumatized phone was by now completely enthralled with her brand new one, not bothering to notice where her old one might have gone.

--

In Hawkmoth's lair, the supervillain was startled by an automated voice speaking directly into his mind. "Hello, Hawkmoth. I am Autoincorrect. You try to bend other people's negative emotions to your will, but you always end up losing to your son and his partner." The phone knew exactly what it was saying, but Hawkmoth dismissed the notion as another random sequence of grammatically correct words. "I will offer you the pretense of helping, while I really scramble your words and phrases like a separate bowl of cereal."

"Dark wings, fall." Gabriel dropped his transformation, and found himself bowing to his new abiotic advisor. "Yes, Autoincorrect. It would seem I still have a lot to learn about the literature review in my second language."