~Her words were my poison. I used them to consume myself.
Disturbingly honest. Painfully strained. Carefully penned down. Dangerously addictive.~
A journal that landed in the right hands and told a whole story with words, no lips could speak.
Two...
There are things that don't make sense but in a way, they kinda do?
Or maybe they don't make sense at all. But they're what your mind craves just to understand reality better.
That's all I tried to think about while my lips were pressed up against hers.
It took me thirty seven seconds to come to my senses.
I pulled away and stared into her deep, soft eyes.
"P--"
"It's okay." She whispered.
"No it's not." I whispered back.
"I know something's wrong--"
"I spoke to my father." I blurted.
Her eyes softened.
She cupped my cheeks and kissed my lips softly again.
"I'm so fucking sorry." She whispered.
"No, P, I can't do this to you. I'm sorry, that was wrong and you didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve being hurt that way again--"
"Did you feel anything?"
I lied. I shook my head.
It's what she had to hear.
Kissing P was always going to feel like I was home.
I never did stop loving her. I couldn't. She was P.
I tried to convince myself that I had grown out of it. And maybe I even believed it for a little bit but I couldn't. I think I had finally come to accept that.
This time, I saw her lose it.
She was hurt. Just as she should've been.
"Fuck you Drax Clarke."
I nodded.
She stormed off, tears running down her face.
So I guess, here we are.
All alone. Just the two of us.
You have me all torn apart today.
This is an odd problem.
Chase thinks you're holding me back? He thinks you're a part of me that I need to learn to give up.
He thinks that I have to grow up.
I know that sounds harsh but he wasn't harsh about it.
It's not the childish part of me that needs to grow up. In his opinion, that's fine, that's normal.
It's my obsession with you that has to go.
It's the fact that I depend on you more than I depend on myself.
The fact that I bury all my dark parts in you. That my worst fears include losing you, although that's paradoxical and fucked up because if I don't lose you, you don't exist.
Then I'm just crazy.
And I won't deny that I am at least a little bit crazy.
But that's not all of what I am.
Not even close.
He wants me to think about who I am.
Or rather, who I would be without you? He thinks it's important for me to grow out of you.
That, it's the only way you'd be a normal.
But the problem with that is that I don't think I am ready for you to be a normal.
P.S. Chase needs to stop finding new reasons to hate you!
Unlike her, I wanted to have a normal again.
And there was only one place to start.
"Lace?" I whispered knocking on her door."We need to talk."
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