~Her words were my poison. I used them to consume myself.
Disturbingly honest. Painfully strained. Carefully penned down. Dangerously addictive.~
A journal that landed in the right hands and told a whole story with words, no lips could speak.
Two...
I feel alone. I feel like I have nothing to give to the world. Like I don't add anything to the world around me. I just exist for the sake of it. Existing is hard. Not having a satisfying purpose is hard. I can't really explain it.
I couldn't explain it, no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't describe the full intensity of it? I couldn't pour it into you. You don't even exist.
I realise that and a part of me has come to accept it for what it is.
My mind is breaking and there isn't too much I can do to fix it. To fix myself? I can hardly get myself out of the house on a daily basis.
That doesn't help at all really. When you're gone for long periods of time, the world around you, the people around you they all kind of find a way to function without you.
Being replaced is not as hard as it may first seem.
This kind of reminds me of Toy Story? I couldn't explain it any better.
I'm thankful for the memories I made but that doesn't mean I'm done? It doesn't mean I've had enough?
But I can't be that person anymore.
I just can't.
I turned my eyes away from the journal.
"What?" Lock asked, finding my empty gaze. I knew I was empty. I understood that.
"I know that look." Jonny sighed. "Draxy for the last time, nobody is going to give you their fries. Fries are precious."
"You can have mine." Lock pushed his tray towards me. "Fries make me feel sick." He curled his nose.
"A sad existence." Wendy snorted.
"You're the one dating Finn."
"Hey!" Finn defended.
"I'm sorry, that was purely directed towards Wendy, you're perfect Finn."
"Thank you." Finn grinned.
"I thought you cared about me!" Wendy pouted, sadly.
"No, I just care about Finn!"
"Lock, you suck!"
"No, you suck!"
"I'm glad you can't experience fries in all their glory. You don't deserve that kind of happiness in your life!"
"Draxy?" I felt P's fingers on my leg.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
"I think I'll be okay?" Right?
"What's wrong?"
"P? What's the purpose of existing?"
"There's really no purpose to that Draxy." She grinned. "But that's why it's fun. Being inconsequential is fun. I guess in a way the fact that we don't have a purpose is what gives us purpose."
"How was your date?" I mumbled.
"I don't wanna talk about it?"
"That bad?"
"No, no, it was fine, I just--uh--I don't know if I want to talk about it with you?" She withdrew her hand from my leg.
"P--do we have to talk about something?"
"No, no, we really don't. Quite the opposite actually." She bit her bottom lip.
"Piano, we're still friends right?"
"Always." She smiled.
This was it.
I could feel it. She cared about me but it was time.
It was time to not be friends anymore.
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