Dear reader, I suppose I've always been a quitter. It's what I do best. Gradually lose interest in something, then drive myself half mad just trying to make myself like the thing again. Then when nothing works, I get sad for about three weeks and two days and then eventually, I take the heartbreaking decision to give up.
It's one of my many patterns. A pattern I keep repeating over and over and over again. The catch is, I don't know when it'll really hit me that I don't want to do a thing anymore. Or that I don't feel it anymore. And that is where things get messy. Because sometimes I'll commit to something and do it for years before that harrowing moment of self discovery or evolution, whatever you want to call it. Even as I write this, the guilt of not being satisfied with the decision weighs me down. I'm holding back embarrassing tears and I can still feel the knot in my stomach tighten, while I continue to struggle with what this means in my ultimate quest to not be forgotten.
I don't know why I do this. I don't understand myself well enough to get it. I don't want to understand myself any more than I already do because it already feels like way too much. As I said, I quit easily.
What really scares me though, is that someday I'll quit on Chase. Maybe someday, I'll decide he's not who I'm interested in anymore. He just won't be worth it.
But he is. He's worth it. At least, the Chase I know, the Chase I love is worth it.
"You know Draxy, I could beat you in a fight," drunk Finn laughed.
"Sure you could," I said. I wasn't massive but neither was Finn and the only time I expected him to test that theory would be when he's incredibly drunk, like now, and in this state I expected his sheer hubris to give him an upper hand.
I had brought both of them home. Lock was passed out and Finn was close.
"I will fight you someday," he sounded sleepier now. I'd be threatened if it was anyone but Finn; The guy was a puppy.
"Why?" I humored him.
"For Wend." He stated plainly.
"Are you jealous?"
"Of course not!" He laughed.
"So why?"
"Because she won't," he said, casually.
"And she wants to?" I furrowed my brow.
"I'm not allowed to say." He shook his head.
"What did I do?" She couldn't be that mad that I'm going on a date, could she?
"Draxy, I can't tell you. But she won't do it, she loves you too much." He brushed it off.
"But you don't? That hurts." I chuckled.
"No, Draxy! I do! I just--I love her more." He yawned. I smiled. Finn and Wendy were sickening sometimes but I'd be lying if I said they weren't cute sometimes.
I heard the front door click and I knew exactly who it would be.
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Stolen Pages
Teen Fiction~Her words were my poison. I used them to consume myself. Disturbingly honest. Painfully strained. Carefully penned down. Dangerously addictive.~ A journal that landed in the right hands and told a whole story with words, no lips could speak. Two...
