~Her words were my poison. I used them to consume myself.
Disturbingly honest. Painfully strained. Carefully penned down. Dangerously addictive.~
A journal that landed in the right hands and told a whole story with words, no lips could speak.
Two...
Sometimes I feel like I worry too much. About everything. About Chase and me. About the sky falling down. About my parents. About school. Just a lot, you know?
Most times it doesn't even feel justified but I can't always control it. Sometimes it just happens. Sometimes I can't do anything about it. And sometimes I feel like I've got it under control.
And on days when it gets really bad I just sort of stop functioning. It's a bit humiliating when your brain just bails on you, especially when it feels like your own fault! For being so goddamn stupid and not burying shit deep enough and looking at them all wrong! And always seeing the worst and imagining all of these awful things that have no business coming anywhere near your head.
But you know, all things considered. With the way everything seems to be turning out I feel like I worry just the right amount. My worry seems appropriate. And yes. It can go overboard sometimes but for the most part I feel like it's necessary. A means to an end.
Sure the end doesn't always feel special or worthy of that kind of concern but I'm still allowed to worry. About everything. As intensely as I wish to.
So yeah.
I was sitting by myself on a staircase by the time Lock found me.
"Jonny saw you run out of class and sent me a text." He explained.
"I'm fine."
"If you say so." He shrugged and sat beside me.
"I thought Wendy would show up instead." I confessed.
"Too bad, you're stuck with me."
"How'd the date with P go?"
"Drax, bud, I'd die for you, okay? But I'm not discussing P with you. It's too weird."
"Fair enough. Just, take care of her, okay?"
"I will. But she doesn't need it. The girl is insane, I adore everything about her."
"Do you think I could third-wheel sometimes?"
"No. But I'm sure Wendy and Finn wouldn't hate having you around."
"I don't know. Wendy would kill me if I even suggested it. Finn would be cool with it."
"Finn's cool with a lot of things, the bar isn't very high."
"To be fair, he's perfect for Wendy."
"He's perfect, period, apart from the stinky socks bit."
I laughed.
"I'm serious," Lock said.
"I know, I agree with you, it's just a weird conversation."
"Okay, then tell me what's wrong."
"Lace called, she's fine, she's on vacation. Mom said they'll be back in a week."
"Oh. Is she okay?"
"Yeah, she's more than okay. She's... she's happy."
"Hey, bonus." He shrugged.
"So I mean, I guess it's me then? I really am the problem."
"That's bullshit and no I won't explain why."
"I was jealous."
"I would be too. A vacation sounds exactly like what I need right now."
"That's not why I was jealous."
"Ah."
"Yep."
"I mean, I can't say I blame you."
And we just sat there in silence then.
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