Stolen Pages

Page 103// Somewhere, in some universe, she had to exist!

I don't know what to say. I've had a terrible week. Being replaced is horrible. It hurts every inch of your soul and there's nothing you can do about it, except just, feel yourself fall apart.

Maybe there is nothing worse than being replaced? Maybe that's the worst feeling in the world and it never gets any worse. It just stays there. Entrapping you within itself, until you're no more than a shell of yourself, comprising of your insecurities and that feeling at the pit of your stomach that tells you that something just isn't quite right?

Being replaced is so much more than just being forgotten. Because it means that you didn't leave behind a certain feeling of emptiness within them. They simply don't need you anymore? They don't have any need for your services because the value of yourself really isn't all that much. That emptiness that they should've been feeling, has been filled in by someone else. And it fits better than you could ever make it fit.

It's a reminder than you're just not good enough. You're not worth the effort.

I'm sorry if this just feels like something I've said before, something I've cried about before, it's just how it all feels. Like it's crashing and burning around me. Music stopped helping two days ago. Today I don't feel like getting out of bed. Food doesn't make it much better either.

My hands are shaking, my head feels like it could explode, my eyes are sore, I'm sweating but I'm cold, I can't cry anymore, I don't want to think anymore because it just hurts so much.

I feel sick.

P.S. I'm sorry you had to read this.

Her handwriting wasn't as clean as it used to be before. It was shabby. She scratched out words and tried correcting letters every time she messed up. It's almost like I could see her unsteady fingers as they wrote down those words.

I couldn't sleep. Then again, I don't think I was often expected to sleep at all.

I wanted to give her a hug and tell her I'd never replace her. That I could never imagine replacing her. I wanted to kiss her forehead and tell her she was perfect. I didn't even know her. I didn't even know if she existed. Maybe this was just someone fucking with me, but I couldn't accept that. I believed she was real. So she must be real.

Somewhere. In some universe, she has to exist.

I heard my phone go off and frowned at the name in front of me.

"Draxy--I--I--I need you."

My body jerked forward. She was crying. She was hurt. Something must've happened. Right?

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?"

"I--I--Can I come over?"

"Should I come get you?"

"N--No, I'm at your front door." She said, whimpering.

"Hey, hey, it's going to be okay." I said, as I walked to the front door.

"Draxy--I--I think I fucked up."