~Her words were my poison. I used them to consume myself.
Disturbingly honest. Painfully strained. Carefully penned down. Dangerously addictive.~
A journal that landed in the right hands and told a whole story with words, no lips could speak.
Two...
I heard my alarm go off. My fingers wandered to the journal and I felt the leather against my skin for a few seconds before I snapped awake.
I sighed lifted myself off the sofa, walking to my room.
Gently, I placed a hand on Wendy's shoulder.
"Wend, it's time for school."
"I'm not going."
"Why?"
"Because I fucked up and I don't deserve to go to school anymore."
"Okay. But if you change your mind, I'll be leaving in about half an hour."
"Draxy--don't go?"
"I'll miss you." I said, rubbing her shoulder.
"No, no, don't go." She said, moving slightly.
"I have to."
"Stay. Please." I heard her whisper.
"Only if you're going to get out of bed and tell me what's going on?"
I heard her groan. She somehow unentangled herself from the blankets she was wrapped in and sat up. She glared at me.
"I told Finn I don't love him anymore because truth is, he deserves better but then I couldn't fucking leave? I don't want him to get over me but I don't want him to be in love with me anymore either because I'm not healthy for him? Happy?"
"You're not serious?"
"No, no, I am."
"Wendy, he loves you, why would you--"
"Why do you want to let go of P?"
"Wendy, if this is still about P and the way I dealt with the situation--"
"It's not about you and P--"
"It sounds a hell of a lot like me!"
"Why do you think I was so mad at you Draxy? Because we made the same fucking mistake and it feels so much more real now because Finn's hurting! I never wanted that but that's where I am right now! And I get why you did what you did because I did the same thing to the one person I never wanted to hurt! We're the same Draxy. That's why I came to you. Because you're the only one who'd get it."
I got up and walked to where I had left the journal. I picked it up and walked back to Wendy.
I sat right next to her and flipped an unread page open before I started reading those soothing words out loud.
Sometimes I feel like we're all alone. Like we're all empty and deserve to feel like shit on a semi-regular basis. But then every time I come to the same conclusion: We don't know what we deserve.
We don't know how much we deserve because we don't have the whole picture? Even if it's our own life we don't understand the way we make everyone around us feel.
We don't understand how we change them, so who are we to judge our own worth or someone else's worth, because it's impossible to accurately measure the real impact they've had to the world that surrounds them.
We just don't know enough about the world, much less the way people in it choose to react to it.
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