~Her words were my poison. I used them to consume myself.
Disturbingly honest. Painfully strained. Carefully penned down. Dangerously addictive.~
A journal that landed in the right hands and told a whole story with words, no lips could speak.
Two...
Today I was reminded of the person I was two years ago.
And some part of me was forced to consider the possibility that I haven't changed at all. In the entirety of those two years.
In a way, I'm freakishly similar to my old self.
That's not necessarily a bad thing, I suppose. Except I don't think I ever really wanted to be that person.
I'd say I'm just as optimistic as I was. Or pessimistic? I don't know if they're all that different anymore.
I'm as anxious as I remember myself being. A little more if anything.
I still feel like I'm doing something wrong no matter how hard I try to get everything right. I still feel like getting an education is painful as fuck.
I cuss more.
I feel less.
And I still don't understand my brain. I don't know why it says the things it does. Why it feels the way it feels.
Somehow, it feels like I haven't made any progress.
I'm still stuck in that sad, fucked up moment, waiting for my best friend to remember I exist so that I can justify being treated like crap by someone I care about.
Everything still hurts when I'm alone and nothing seems to have changed a bit.
This was supposed to be better?
This was supposed to be my escape from that reality.
A better developed reality that shaped me into someone I wanted to be.
This was supposed to feel like a little more.
"You know you look hot when you make that soft, curious reading face." I felt her pass a hand through my hair.
"What are you doing?" I said lifting my gaze from the book.
"I'm feeling your sexy hair." She grinned.
Her fingers were still holding the back of my neck. "Mercury."
She furrowed her brows and pulled her hand away from me. "Fine, personal space, I get it."
"Do you want a cookie?" She asked.
I shook my head.
"Well, it's yours anyway." She handed me the cookie.
"I don't want cookies." I shrugged, curling up my nose.
"What kind of human doesn't always want cookies?!" She gasped dramatically.
"The normal kind!" I snorted.
"You're happy today."
"Surprising, isn't it?"
"That's not what I meant--I just--you look soft when you're happy--basically I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I think you're hot when you're happy--and you're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you?"
"I'm listening and I'm flattered." I nodded.
"So, are you just going to stare at me creepily or are you going to tell me why you're so happy?"
"I--I don't know why I'm happy?"
"That's unfair!"
"I'm serious, if I knew I'd tell you!"
"No, you're just being a terrible person to the only person who's going to offer you cookies in a lame attempt to flirt with you!"
"Cookie flirting is an important milestone for us."
"For the love of cookies stop being so cute!"
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
