although we said friends we didn't really talk anymore. he seemed to fancy the girl in the pictures still. i couldn't care about that anymore. i couldn't stress about him anymore. my doctors keep telling me if i put anymore stress onto my body this baby isn't going to happen.
i've had to stay off the internet to keep myself from being upset. my socials have been blowing up with people asking where i was and what was going on with gus. i couldn't do it. i didn't want to talk to anyone. i'd talk to my brothers occasionally but no one else really. dylan, bexey and tracy have stopped by a lot but i didn't really know what to say other than i'm fine. they asked if i needed anything but i, again, said i'm fine.
i wouldn't tell anybody this but sometimes when i miss gus i watch his interviews on youtube. i wish he'd just text me or call me. i miss talking to him. it feels weird to sleep in a bed alone for this long. i'm not going to lie i've thought about just taking him back but i know it's not good for me. i know he loves me he is just bad at making good decisions.
"dani someone is here for you." justin said. god why won't people leave me alone.
"hang on just a second. i have to get dressed." i mumbled. i got up and put one of gus' sweatshirts and a pair running shorts and walked out. there he stood.
"hey." i said. he didn't make eye contact with me. this was so awkward.
"hey. uh do you wanna go get lunch or something." he asked.
"she's fi-" justin started.
"justin i got it. thanks." i said, "i'm gonna go change and i'll be out. give me a second."
"you look fine." gus said.
"it's kinda cold out. i'm just gonna slip some leggings on." i said.
after i slipped on some pants i followed him out to his car. we didn't speak much the entire ride and it was killing me. i just kept remembering when we got in this same car and did nothing but laugh. now, it's just silence. i couldn't take it anymore.
"i've been thinking about names." i said, rubbing my belly.
"me too. what is your favorite?" he asked.
"i like ace, rozz and elijah." i said. he looked at me when that last name came out of my mouth. he just about crashed.
"gus eyes on the road!" i yelled as he swerved.
"elijah?" he said.
"yea, i mean you're still his dad. justin has been begging me to name him justin but i'm definitely not doing that. austin gave me the idea of rozz and uh, liza gave me the idea of ace. i like elijah a lot though." i spurted.
"i like it too." he mumbled, smiling.
"what names did you pick?" i asked.
"uhm i like oliver, jackson and finley." he said.
"finley is cute!" i said.
"but i don't know. we have a bit i guess." i said. i knew what his name was going to be from the second i found out the gender.
we got to a restaurant and were attacked by paparazzi. gus did his best with hiding me and my belly but we knew it'd get out eventually. i was getting questions thrown at me left and right. gus just held me and told me to ignore them. they were cut out as soon as we pushed our way through the crowd waiting at the front doors.
"sorry i haven't stopped by. i was a little busy." he said.
"i bet." i said rolling my eyes. i tried to stay unbiased but lord this is hard.
"dani-" he started.
"wow i'm hungry. what looks good?" i said picking up the menu.
"the burgers are good." he mumbled.
"ah a burger it is then." i said smiling at him.
"you know i still love you right?" he said. i just nodded knowing my voice would crack if i opened my mouth.
"i'm sorry." he said.
"gus, please don't make this more awkward than it needs to be." i mumbled.
"lil peep!" i heard a girl screech. i sighed and nodded towards them.
"fuck is this a date? i don't want to intrude." the girl said.
"no it's fine. go ahead." i said, smiling at her.
"wait are you dani?" she said, "i thought you guys broke up! whoa i'm confused because bella and peep?"
"we're just friends." he said quickly.
"you and bella or?" she asked.
"me and dani." he said.
"oh that's unfortunate." she said looking at me, "well can i get a picture?"
"yea." gus said. i took a picture of the two and she hugged me and gus then left.
our food came and after we were done eating he took me back to my brothers. we didn't speak much on the ride back. he told me he'd be back to check up on me soon. truth is i didn't want the day to end at all. i missed him being with me all the time. i miss being in love with him.
