i had a doctors appointment today and it felt weird going by myself so i invited tracy with me. i missed him and hanging out with him. i missed being a part of the house. they were like my big brothers and it's weird not being with them all the time. i wish i could go over there without things being weird but, with gus and his new girl there, there's no way it wouldn't be weird.
"austin, tracy is here! i'll be home in a little." i yelled.
i grabbed my purse and keys then left out the house. when i got in the car tracy had music blasting. i sat enjoying the music until one of gus' songs came on. i loved his music before i met him but it hurt to listen to it right now. i guess my demeanor changed because tracy skipped the song and $uicideboy$ came on.
"i heard that you wanna name the baby elijah." tracy said, turning off the music.
"i do." i said, looking at my hands.
"i like it." he said, "everyone's been talking about your baby bump."
"i figured. i don't want people to know it's gus'. i'll get shit for it and i'll look dumb." i said.
"i don't think you'll look dumb but people will definitely accuse you of being a gold digger."
"i already get accused of that." i laughed, "i guess i just want to shield my baby from that. i don't want his life starting off with all that negativity. this is my world now. this baby."
"shield him from social media or gus' lifestyle?" he asked.
"i guess both. gus doesn't have the healthiest lifestyle. i know at one point i was a part of that lifestyle but i've got more to think about now. i've got a future to think about." i said.
"i know this sounds shitty but i don't think gus should be a part of his life." tracy said.
"i can't do that to him. i know he loves this baby. that's the one think i know he loves. i don't think he loves me much anymore. but i do know he's do anything for our boy."
"are you sure? i don't think he can quit the lifestyle. that's why after he proposed, he cheated. gus isn't made for settling down."
"i'm sure. i don't want to do that to him."
we didn't talk much after i said that. he held my hand through the whole appointment, which was weird. tracy was never like this. he's always been a great friend but never been so touchy with me. but, after my appointment he took me to a restaurant and we ate and talked some more.
"hello?" i said annoyed. gus wouldn't stop calling me.
"dani i need you." he cried. he was wasted.
"gus don't do this. go home and go to bed."
"dani please. i'm home in bed but i need you here." he cried through the phone.
"gus i'm busy right now."
"dani." he sobbed. he knew him crying was breaking my heart. i knew he was drunk and wouldn't think of calling me sober.
"gussie go to bed. we can talk tomorrow." i said.
"i want to die. why am i like this?" he cried.
"gus cut that out."
"i'm sorry." he said. i heard him fumbling around in the background.
"gus cut it out!" i yelled. people turned and looked at me.
"i still love you dani." he cried.
"tracy we need to go back to yours right now. gus is being stupid!" i said.
"gussie i need you to talk to me." i said. tracy left money on the table and we sprinted out to the car.
"i'm here." he mumbled.
"what did you do?" i said. tracy was speeding to his house.
"nothing." he mumbled.
"gus don't play with me!" i yelled.
"i love you." he said.
"jesus gus! what did you take?" i yelled. i was hysterical.
"nothing." he whispered.
"gus talk to me!" i yelled, "stay awake!"
"dani." he mumbled.
"gustav elijah i swear!" i yelled.
we pulled up to the house and i ran up to gus' room. he had a bag of pills next to him. he was awake, but barely. i pulled him up with all my might and held his limp body against mine.
"gus stay awake." i cried.
"gus!" tracy yelled, "you've caused her enough pain gus! get the fuck up!"
"tracy call 911!" i screamed.
"gus please wake up. i love you. please." i cried, still holding him.
"gus please don't fucking do this." i said shaking him.
"gus." i cried, clutching him to my chest.
"get the fuck up!" tracy yelled at him.
"tracy what's going o- gus! what happened?!" bexey yelled, coming into the room.
"help." i cried.
"tell him to wake up." i sobbed.
