November 9th.
i haven't left the house in two days. i haven't had the energy to. gus has been blowing up my phone and so has social media. i just wanted to break my phone into a million pieces. it was ruining my life. it seems like everything is out to get me the past couple of days.
i lied in bed while eli slept. my phone started buzzing on my nightstand and i knew exactly who it was. i glanced at it but just let it ring. it wasn't until it started to buzz again that i thought about answering it. "gus<3" popped up on my phone after i let it ring for the third time.
"hello." i said meekly. my voice showed my weakness.
"dani i miss you." he cried. his words were slurred so i knew he wasn't sober.
"gus please stop calling me." i mumbled.
"you don't want me to stop." he slurred.
"please stop calling my phone." i said hanging up. i wasn't surprised to see his name pop up on my phone again.
"gus i'm serious!" i said sternly.
"please talk to me." he cried.
"about what. there's nothing to talk about. go to sleep." i said. he was pushing my buttons.
"dani please come home." his words were shaky
"i am home." i said.
i hung up the phone but this time just turned it off. i couldn't handle another call from him. he knew how to make me weak and how i desperate i was for us to work. he manipulated my brain and made me believe in a love that was potentially never there. that's probably what hurts the most. the fact that he may have never loved me. he sure put on a hell of a fucking show.
"danielle?" my brother said peaking in my room.
"hey." he said smiling. it was a pity smile.
"hi." i mumbled.
"how are you?" he asked moving to crawl into bed with me.
"not great." i sighed.
"he's still calling?" he asked.
"he knows what it's doing to me austin." i mumbled. i didn't want to cry in front of him but it was hard.
"i know love. just ignore it as best as you can. there's people out here that want to see you." he said rubbing my arm.
i got out of bed, ignoring my appearance, and saw bexey, wiggy and smoke sitting with justin. i could've cried when they hugged me. they all showed me so much love. they didn't mention gus or tracy and for that i was seriously thankful. eli woke up and they all
got to see him. that's when gus was mentioned.
"god he looks just like him." smoke whispered.
"what?" i asked.
"he looks a lot like gus." smoke mumbled.
"he does doesn't he?" i said with a smile.
"i'm sorry i ju-"
"no it's okay! don't be sorry. he does look a lot like his dad." i said pretending that his name didn't make my stomach twist.
"he's getting so big." wiggy said with a pout on his face.
"i know. he's growing up too fast. next thing i know he's gonna be running around and giving me a worse headache than his father." i laughed.
"bexey you're quiet." i said. wiggy and smoke looked at him like they were telling him not to say anything.
"this is wrong." he mumbled.
"what was that?" i said.
"this is wrong. dani y-" bexey started.
"bex don't!" wiggy said under his breath.
"no go ahead and tell me what you think is right for my child." i said raising my voice.
"guys let's not do this." smoke said. he was holding eli.
"you can't just keep his son from him!" bexey said raising his voice as well.
"i can do what the fuck i want with my son!" i yelled.
"dani please." wiggy said standing up as well.
"he's not just your son danielle. gus has as much of a right to see that baby as you do!" bexey yelled.
"you know what fuck you! get out, all of you!" i yelled. i grabbed eli from smoke and stormed to my room.
i knew they weren't gone because i could hear wiggy and smoke scolding bexey and bexey arguing with them. i heard a soft knock at my door but i didn't bother telling them to come in because i knew they would anyway.
"i'm sorry." bexey said.
"i can't see him again bex." i said breaking down. i looked down at eli and all i saw was gus in him.
"i know i'm sorry. he's fucked up without you dani. i'm worried about him. these drugs are going to kill him." bexey said. his face went dead serious and he had tears in his eyes.
"i can't be his rock anymore. he's going to have to learn to how to ha handle this on his own. i'm tired of hurting myself to save him. i'm not okay and i understand he isn't either but jesus bexey i can't always be his crutch. and i also don't need you to tell me what is wrong and right for eli. you telling me that it's wrong that i won't let him see eli then telling me that drugs are going to kill gus isn't making me feel any worse about not letting him see eli. i know what i'm doing as a mother." i said.
"i know dani. i'm sorry." he said looking at his feet.
he glanced at eli and back at me then just sighed. he stood up from the bed and i saw him look at me in disappointment. like he was expecting me to run back into gus' arms and we'd be happy again. i wouldn't be happy if i ran back to him. i would be beyond paranoid.
my head was spinning with what happened today. i had to get out of the house. bexey, smoke and wiggy left and the tears began to spill. i didn't want to be in this room anymore.
"hey austin." i said.
"hey." he said with a smile.
"do you mind watching eli for a little? i'm gonna go out." i said.
"of course!" he said with a smile on his face.
tonight would be my night.
