November 14th
"baby you're so cute." i said pinching brandon's cheeks. i started kissing all over his face when my phone started ringing.
"who is it?" i asked brandon who was holding my phone.
"hey da-brandon? get dani her fucking phone back." i heard gus' voice and my heart rate picked up.
"listen dude, dani doesn't love you. you're only still in her phone because eli. you don't deserve the right to be in either of their lives. you're the biggest piece of shit i've ever me-"
"brandon cut it out!" i yelled.
"no shut up!" he yelled.
"fuck you give me my fucking phone!" i said yanking it out of his grip.
"gus i'll call you later. i have to kick this fucking idiot out really quick." i said angrily.
"don't bother." gus sighed and hung up. my heart hurt for him.
"are you fucking kidding me?! can you act like a civil grown fucking adult for five fucking seconds. i mean god forbid he wants to see his fucking son he helped make. i don't know how many times i have to tell you, gus isn't leaving my life. i want you out of this fucking house right now, and don't even think about coming back until you have grown the fuck up because at this point it's ridiculous brandon. get your shit and get the fuck out!" i yelled. i was absolutely furious.
he yanked his shit up and left. he slammed the door, damn near breaking it by the way. i grabbed my phone from the bed and tried to call gus. he declined it so i tried again. he declined it once again so i just decided to give him space and let him cool off.
i felt absolutely terrible. it wasn't even my actions but my heart felt like it could fall out of my stomach. when he said "don't bother" i could hear the genuine hurt in his voice. he sounded so upset by what brandon said to him. no matter how wrong he's done me he'll always have a piece of my heart and i will always care about him.
i tried once more and he picked up.
"gus i'm so sorry. you didn't deserve any of this." i said quickly.
"it's all good for real. don't worry ab it. i'll be out of your hair." he said. he was definitely high.
"gus did you smoke?" i asked.
"yea." he said dryly.
"what else?" i asked concerned.
"xanax baby, what else?" he laughed a little. i was worried. i knew the shit he did and the effects and that's why it scared me so much.
"gus you gotta stop that shit." i said.
"i'm not scared to die danielle." he said. i was even more worried. yea he was a dick sometimes but he didn't deserve to die, especially not to drugs.
"gus i'm serious!" i said, tears in my eyes.
"so am i. i'll be out of your hair dani. i hope you and eli are happy. i love you." he said and hung up. i called bex.
"what's up?" he said.
"please don't let him kill himself." i said in hysterics.
"what are you talking about dani?" bexey said.
"he's mixing drugs and i'm worried about him." i said.
"he's okay dani. he knows what he's doing." bexey said.
"please just keep an eye on him." i said.
"he's not a child dani."
"i'm not saying that bexey, i'm just worried okay?"
"he's a big boy danielle. he doesn't need you worrying about him. worry about your little boy toy." bexey said then hung up.
i sat on my bed in disbelief. i just sat in silence for a while until my brothers came home with eli. i told them what happened. they told me he was going to be okay but i was still scared. if he died it would be my fault.
no matter how much i was mad at him i still love him. i'm in love with him and nothing can change that. i would love to think that in the future things will work out and we will be together again. i know it's unrealistic but i can only dream. i want eli to know his father but not the way i know him. i want him to know him as a good guy and a good father.
the gus that i love is sweet and kind and just a beautiful soul. no matter out differences he will always be like that to me. when he isn't fucked up off the drugs and he's just sober, he's such a beautiful person. i mean we almost got married for god's sake. i love him. and i guess i'm going on about this for no reason but it needs to be said. no matter what happens i will love him with my entire heart.
