Finding Jemima

Home sweet home

JEMIMA

'Home' it wasn't a word I was fond of, in England home was not a good place to be the majority of the time and I had become a bit of a sofa surfer between my friends houses and Felix's.  I had the act of climbing out windows and shimmering down drain pipes down to a fine art. I hoped I was not going to need those particular skills here.  

We had pulled up to a large sized property with a driveway and a front lawn, there was a porch swing at the front of the house, its not what I was expecting a rock star bachelor pad to look like at all, It looked kind of messy, I'm not sure how a house could look messy from the outside but it did.  I suddenly remembered there were four other people living here, hence why the property was large I guess.  I was nervous, I didn't want to leave the relative safety that was my brothers car.  He had already got out and got my stuff from the boot and had walked around to my side of the car, he tapped the window which made me jump.  I didn't move, I couldn't move, I bought my knees up to my chest again hugging them tightly, my head placed on my knees once more. I began to count, something the school nurse had taught me to do to try and avoid panic attacks.  I was so busy counting I hadn't noticed the car door open and Matty crouching down beside the car.

"Jem..Jem....Jemima" he was softly calling. I looked up from my knees, tears in my eyes. "Hey it's ok." Matty reassured me as he rubbed my arm, I winced and pulled my arm away, he quickly snapped his hand away looking confused as I shuffled myself further into the car away from him. "You nervous to meet the boys? It's a lot to take in I know, but I promise they are really nice and I'm here I'm not going anywhere my little Jem" Matty continued. Words that should have been comforting to me suddenly made the anger I had buried inside of me boil, 'not going anywhere' what the hell! he's been missing from my life for nearly nine years and now he wants to tell me he's not going anywhere! I composed myself and got out of the car, it had been a long few days and now was not the time for an emotional outburst, I told myself to pull myself together readying myself.  I looked towards the house and saw blinds twitching indicating someone was watching us from inside.

Matty carried my bags and I placed my backpack firmly on my back pulling the straps tightly to try and calm myself down, like it was a security blanket squeezing my shoulders. I hated meeting new people, I wished Felix or Peter were here so I could hold their hand and they could do all the talking for me, or at the very least I wish I had downed a couple of vodka shots before I got here so that I didn't care! I wondered if the boys had any booze lying around the house, then remembered that I had to try and be good, this wasn't a stop over situation, I was stuck here on the other side of the world until I turned eighteen.  No underage drinking I told my self, a new start, no drama, no underage anything while I'm here I scolded myself.   i glanced at the house observing the finer details, the book that had been left on the porch swing, a discarded T-shirt flung haphazardly over the porch, an empty beer can scrunched in the corner, the doodles someone had clearly drawn in permanent marker on the porch. I followed Matty in to the house shuffling my feet on the ground my eyes firmly fixed on my feet, he put my stuff down and he ushered me into the living room where four eager looking boys were waiting.

They all stood up almost bouncing out of their seats In unison, beaming excitedly at me.
"These are the boys" Matty said to me gesturing his hands at them "boys this is my little Jem". I rolled my eyes at him, no one called me Jem anymore, and defiantly not little Jem, despite my shortness.  I scanned the boys faces shyly trying desperately to remember the names I had read in the magazine from the plane, but my mind had gone completely blank.  A tall blonde boy spoke first, his frame was lanky and his blonde hair quaffed within an inch of its life.  What the hell was his name! He began to walk towards me and thrust forward a hand.
"Hey I'm Edward" he said confidently in a thick Australian accent. I gripped tightly to my backpack straps my knuckles turning white and swiftly stepped behind my brother as the boy walked towards us, like a frightened puppy cowering behind its owner.  Matty turned his head to look at me with the confused look again as I hid behind him.
"It's ok Jem, they don't bite" he said in a loud whisper. I just looked at him with big doe eyes moving further behind him and shook my head as if to say, please don't make me.
"Why don't we all sit down" piped up another one of the boys.  This one was slightly shorter than the others but not by much, he had dark hair with a round face and dimples.  I still had no clue what the hell their names were. 

They all took a seat around the room, leaving the sofa presumably for Matty and me. Matty took a seat on the sofa and patted the cushion next to him looking at me, willing me to join him.   I stood in the door way of the room like a rabbit caught in head lights.  My eyes darted between my brother and back at the front door we had not long entered through, I pondered how far I would get if I just legged it back out the door. I glanced at my brother again pleadingly and gave a subtle shake of the head. I looked around and realised they were all looking at me slightly dazed at my strange behaviour.  I was being weird, just sit down I told myself sternly.  I slowly sat down next to Matty leaving a fair distance between myself and him.   I took my backpack off and placed it on the floor and waited for someone to speak looking down at my lap playing with my cuffs, trying to control the tears threatening to reappear in my eyes. Matty decided to take the lead after several minutes of silence.

"The tall lanky blonde is Edward, we call him Ed" Matty pointed at the boy who had offered me his hand, I looked up to observe the boy my brother was describing.
"Dark haired ones Thomas..Tom" he continued
"drumsticks here is called Max" he gestured towards a boy with scruffy hair, twiddling a drumstick between his fingers.
"And curly top over there is Milo" he nodded towards a boy with brown curly hair.
I raised my hand and mustered a quiet weak "hey".  They all smiled back at me also raising there hand giving little waves.
"Just think of them as four extra brothers" Matty smiled at me.  His smile quickly disappeared when he realised I wasn't smiling back, in fact I was sure I was scowling at him, I looked down at the floor quickly, fiddling with my bands.  'Brothers' right so I should think of them as selfish idiots who move to the other side of the world and abandon me.  Think of them as complete strangers I know nothing about, brothers yeah right, I don't think you know he meaning of the fucking word MATE, I fumed to myself internally. I quickly wiped away the tears that had formed again with my sleeves, hoping they hadn't noticed, but I was sure they had.

"How about a tour?"  Max chimed in.