Finding Jemima

All good things come to an end

JEMIMA

It was a great day, but once all the parents had gone all I wanted to do was go to the floral room and hope that this year would be better.  I found myself putting Felix's hoodie on and crawling onto my bed tucking my knees inside the hoodie and putting the hood up. It still smelt faintly of Felix and I lay smelling the fabric while looking at photos of the two of us on my phone.  I had several missed calls and messages pleading for forgiveness from Felix. It took all I had not to call him and tell him how much I missed him.

I decided to check my social media pages, I didn't really use social media but peter set my up with it, I hadn't looked at them at all since being here, I thought maybe somehow looking at images of what my friends were doing without me in England would be too much for me to handle.  I felt more settled now despite the whole Felix situation and besides I really wanted to see Max's post that had made me 'official'. I was shocked when I logged on to see the picture had been shared A LOT and was trending, there were also just as many comments.  I scrolled through the comments, instantly regretting doing so.  There were some nice ones welcoming me to the 'band family' lots of fans correcting max on the fact he wasn't my brother and that I wasn't his sister, lots of questions about why I was living with them, why they couldn't see my face in the picture etc.  Then there were the 'is she the reason your not playing music' 'get rid of her and come back to us', something I had predicted even before I arrived here.
I noticed all the boys had commented on the picture personally, I read through them smiling at my boys that I'd grown to love so much in such a short time.

'Love this girl so much, the sister I never knew I needed in my life until she came crashing into it.' Milo

'This girl has turned our world upside down in such a short time, now we couldn't live without her" Ed

"I may not be blood, but this girl is my whole world right now, and I wouldn't have it any other way."  Max

" I would walk through fire for this girl, she amazes me everyday with her love and strength, family is everything' Tom

'I lost her once, never again. My love, my life, my little Jem." Matty

I sat for a while reading some of the letters Matty had tried to send me over the years, some had photos in which made me smile. One was telling me about the band he'd started with his friends with a photo of a very young looking midnight blue, another telling me how he'd moved in with Tom and his family saying he wished I was here too with a photo of him and Tom and one of him with Tom's family.

By the time I'd read through a few letters it was getting late, I couldn't sleep Felix was lighting up my phone constantly.  I was hurt and angry with him, but I didn't know how you were supposed to just stop caring for someone just like that. I hadn't realised it was possible to hate someone as much as I hated Felix but still want to see them, to hear their voice just one more time. Felix was ringing again, but this time I decided to answer it.

"Felix please just leave me alone."

"Em, Emster, Jem, Jemimaaaaaaaa, hows it going my little runaway kangaroo."

"Felix are you high AGAIN! "

"Maybeee maybeee not, hey what's your name are we high?" He asked someone in the background, then a high pitched voice squeaked back at him

"Babe, we are sooo high, now come back to bed I'm lonely and I'm cold "

"Who the hell is that?"

"I don't know but they are really hot.....I'm just calling my girlfriend!" He called out away from the phone

"Fuck off felix, stop ringing me, stop texting me, just leave me the fuck alone and go back to whatever tart your banging tonight!"