Finding Jemima

Off limits

MATTY

Things were frosty still between Tom and I, but we were keeping things civil in front of Jem.  It was late by the time all the drama had settled down, we had sat in the living room quietly for a while, all taking turns to cuddle up with Jem.  Jem's eyes were getting heavy as she lay on Tom. I stroked her hair gently.

"Hey kiddo, let's get you to bed eh, it's been a long day." I kept my voice quiet and gentle. She nodded and held out her arms for me to carry her which I gladly did, carrying her up the stairs, I went to take her into her room when I heard her mumble into me.

"No matty?"

"What?"

"Can I stay with you"

I smiled and kissed the top of her head "Sure" and I carried her to my room and put her in my bed, then went to lay on the bean bag as she grabbed my hand.

"Stay"

"Budge up then" I lay next her and she held me tight.

"Never let me go Matty"

"Never, love you Jemima"

"I love you Matty" she muttered as she fell asleep on me.  I looked up to see Tom standing in my doorway smiling at us.

"Told you, just love her, unconditionally Matty, unconditionally" he hummed with a smug look on his face

"Like you do?"

"Yeah like I do" he smirked at me closing my bedroom door.

We made it through the night without Jem waking, no nightmares, maybe she was just exhausted. I woke first but just lay there watching Jem sleep on me.  I HAD to do this, no I WANTED to do this, for her and for me.  I had to be strong for both of us.  The images of the video yesterday played on my mind, and the sound of her calling my name out in utter desperation and fear rang in my ears.  I was finally understanding why she had kept it all a secret, why she had made Peter promise not to tell anyone, she had been conditioned by that monster since the age of six, probably even younger, almost brain washed into thinking that something bad would happen to me or mum and it would be her fault.  I needed to make sure she knew that we were both safe now, but how could I with Steve rearing his ugly head again.  I thought about how she didn't cry watching that video, then realised that those images are probably the ones that haunt her at night when she wakes up screaming, she didn't need a video to remind her of what happened it was all there in her head. 

I needed to start looking to the future, a future with Jem in my life, I lay wondering what that would entail, what it might look like.  Jem never really mentions the future, I wondered what she wanted out of life, whether she would follow in my footsteps into the music industry or if she would ever just be happy, I guess that's all I wanted is for her to happy.  Then I started to think about how she seemed to have a thing with each of the boys but not me, I needed to find something that was our thing.

"What you thinking about Matty?" I sleepy eyed Jem was looking up at me.

"Well morning sleeping beauty"

"Your thinking about him aren't you"

"No...well I was..but just now I was thinking that you and I need a thing"

"A thing?" She sat up cross legged and I sat myself up against my head board.

"Yeah like you and Ed have the whole bookworm thing, you and Tom have the movie buff thing, you and Milo have the quiet time and art thing, you and max...what do you and max have going on?"