Finding Jemima

The performance

JEMIMA

The next few weeks past by quickly, the boys still wouldn't let me go far without them, it was like I had an extra shadow, every time I turned around one of them was there a few feet away from me.  William came and rescued me every day for a short time, the roof top garden had become our little spot.  One evening after he had been working and doing school stuff all day, and I had been stuck in the hotel room all day as the boys wanted 'quality time' which consisted of watching them eat, watching movies all day and them taking it in turns to hug the life out of me, which don't get me wrong was great, and I love them for it, but it was getting claustrophobic after a while, I just wanted to se the sky and not a hotel ceiling. William texted and asked if I was still up as it was late, I replied to say I was, the next thing I know he's snuck me out past a sleeping Matty to the roof garden and we were watching the stars and eating marshmallows, and it was perfect.  I had managed to keep the whole me and William thing from them so far, I mean it was early days and we were taking things slow, like snail pace slow, which for me was a nice change.  William was the complete opposite of Felix, and when I was with him I just felt a sense of peace and calmness washing over me. The whole experience so far was completely new and alien to me but so far I could honestly say I was liking it.

Performance day rolled round quickly, Matty had agreed to me performing and I was a nervous wreck, especially when they said that they had got tickets to come, part of me wished they hadn't, the other part of me was happy that I would at least have five smiling faces looking back at me, even if I completely bombed out and sucked!

"So you ready?" Matty asked

"Honestly no. What if I forget the words, what if I fall flat on my face, what if they hate me, what if I have a panic attack on stage in front of everyone!"

"Then you learn from the experience"  Matty suddenly sounded very wise.

"When did you become fifty five?"

"Shut up, come here and give your big brother hug." He pulled me onto his lap for a hug "no matter what happens, I'm proud of you ok" I nodded.

"Matty?"

"Yes Jemima?"

"I'm kinda gonna to sing a song about you tonight...about us, is that ok, I don't want you to be upset."

"Why would I be upset"

"I sort of wrote it when I was younger, when we were apart."

"I see"

"We've changed some lyrics around like place names and stuff so people won't know, well the boys will know I think, there not completely stupid, even if they act like it sometimes"

"It's ok Jem"

"Are you sure, I can tell them to pull it"

"No I want to hear it, how bad is it? Is it an I hate my brother for leaving me one or something?" Matty joked but I could tell he half meant it, wanting to mentally prepare himself.

"No" I gave a small laugh "I wrote it when I was missing you, when things were bad, its a slow one, it's more sad than mad, especially as they've done a classical arrangement on it, I have to sing all posh like" I laughed a little harder.

"Oh my little Jem, you need to stop trying to protect me you little dope. I'm sure it will be fine. What's it called so I know which one it is."

"miles away......I'll look at you when I sing it so you know it's yours" I gave him a hug which he reciprocated warmly.

I went with jack to go get pre-show checks done and get in to costume.  I had three outfit changes but I was starting out with a traditional gown, which was beautiful, lace top and glittery at the bottom, but I felt awkward in it as wardrobe had had to take it in a lot, which was really embarrassing, but I'd been putting weight on slowly and I didn't look as bad as a few weeks ago. I was ready with my hair style down, my pink was still prominent and has been touched up, my gentle natural waves in my hair suited the outfit.  William came in to the dressing room.