Finding Jemima

Waiting for news

MATTY

Waiting, that's what we were doing waiting.  There was nothing else to do.  It seemed like we had been waiting for hours, I had no idea how long it had been in reality.   The longer time went on the more I was loosing hope. Dad had failed Jem, mum had failed Jem, Steve had failed Jem and me, Now I had failed Jem.  I sat with my head in my hands, I hadn't said another word to anyone since they wheeled Jem away.  I filled out some medical forms, but that was the last time we had seen anyone professional.  Max and Tom paced furiously around the room, Ed was in and out on the phone to management and keeping our parents and peter informed of any progress, although the phone calls were short as there had been none. Milo sat on the floor silently crying, wiping his tears away every now and then.  Jack stood guard by the doors, the last thing we needed was to be mobbed by opportunistic fans wanting pictures and autographs.

"What the fuck is taking so bloody long" max finally yelled out kicking a chair.

"I'm gonna go and try and find someone" Ed said leaving the room again.

"She's going to be alright, they would have told us by now if it's bad news right" Tom still pacing now running his fingers through his hair as he did so.

"What if she's not" Milo's quiet voice muttered

"Shut up" I snapped at him

"Matty I'm sorry"

"Just shut up, why don't you all just fuck off, go on, I'm her brother she doesn't need you hanging around so go on fuck off all of you" I raged at them flipping a chair narrowly missing Tom.

"You don't mean that Matty, your just stressed out, ok, calm down" Tom tried to calm me

"Don't tell me to fucking calm down, I'm perfectly FUCKING CALM" my face was going flame red as I punched a wall.  Ed came back in and grabbed hold of me from behind holding me in a bear grip until we were both sat on the floor and I started to sob once more uncontrollably.

"I can't loose her, I just can't Ed" I weeped. The door opened and I shot my head up hoping to see a staff member but it was Sandra standing there.

"Oh sweetheart come here, I came as soon as Ed rang. I'm so sorry" I engulfed her in a hug as she knelt down next to me.

"It's my fault Sandra, it's all my fault I failed her, I failed, I fucking failed her"

"Hey now, enough. You haven't failed her, your still here aren't you, your still fighting this, she can't do it on her own love, you have to keep fighting, we all do ok"

"I'm sorry boys, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry"

"No worries, water off a ducks back and all that" max said on behalf of everyone, I just nodded to note my appreciation of their acceptance of my apology.

""I found a nurse Matty, they said the doctor would be here in the next twenty minutes ok, why don't we get you to the bathroom and get you cleaned up, you don't want Jem seeing you in this state" Ed helped me to my feet.

"What if she's..."

"Don't say it Matty, don't you dare, I won't have it, that girl in there is a fighter, just like you.  You can't give up, you have to have hope. Now go get yourself sorted" Sandra's best scolding mum voice snapped me out of my self pity, as Ed helped by Tom led me to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

The door opened again and a female doctor in a white coat stood in the doorway accompanied by a nurse.

"Relatives of Miss Jemima Miller?"

"I'm her brother Matthew Miller, please is she ok?" I held my breathe, not even sure if I was prepared or even if I wanted to hear the answer to my question.

"Please take a seat"

"It's bad news isn't it, you only ask people to sit down if it's bad new, is she dead, please just tell me, she's dead isn't she" I started to ramble.

"No no no, mr Miller not at all"

"Oh thank fuck for that" I clamped my hands to my mouth "I'm sorry I didn't mean to swear, I'm sorry"

"It's ok mr Miller, but please sit." I did what i was told this time. "Jemima appears to have taken an overdose of sleeping pills" I pulled at my hair and hung my head "I'm quite surprised to see she's been prescribed them by her therapist to be honest, I don't think I would have given something that strong to someone with Jemimas history, but that's another subject." I rubbed my hand over my face trying to focus on what this woman was trying to tell me "we've had to pump her stomach, and I'm pleased to say I'm quite happy with her progress, she was very lucky"

"Lucky, you call this lucky!...I'm sorry" I stopped myself before going into another rage.

"My apologies mr Miller a poor choice of words on my part.  What I mean to say is that she's had a narrow escape this time, but there won't be any drastic or long term side effects, she'll be groggy for a while, and she'll probably have a sore throat from having her stomach pumped, but she should recover physically relatively quickly."

"Thank you, oh my god thank you so much, can I see her?"

"Wait please mr Miller I haven't finished. Her mental state however, I'm concerned over what could have triggered this episode."

"My step dad"

"Please continue"

"He abused her, for years since she was really young, she heard that he might be fighting to get custody back from me"

"Oh Matty no!" Sandra gasped placing her hand on my knee "he can't do that can he? she's sixteen now."

"I see, well I would agree that would be a clear trigger yes, I'm happy to back any claims mr Miller, your clearly doing a good job with Jemima. This is just a set back, her weight is up from her last hospital visit I'm pleased to say and there are no fresh scars on her wrists.  This is my name and contact anything you need anything, please contact my office."

"Thank you"

"See I told you you hadn't failed her, your doing a good job Matty." Sandra rubbed my back

"I don't feel like i am right now"

"Well take it from me, I'm a proffecitional, although if I was you, I would change therapists and knock the sleeping pills on the head ok, explore some other options, she had a brief psych assessment , I can give you copies as well."

"Yes of course, anything doctor, thank you again, can I see her now please?"

"Yes, she's pretty out of it, I'd like to keep her over night just to be on the safe side, but you can take her home in the morning. She has been calling out for a Matty in her half conscious state though, I take it that's you young man"

"Um yeah, it's short for Matthew, I call her Jem"

"Well if you follow the nurse she'll take you and the family to her room, it's usually only two visitors, but I'm sure we can make an exception, I've put her in a quiet room on the end which is quite big, I hear you boys are quite famous round these parts so I thought you'd appreciate the privacy."