Finding Jemima

Removing the mask

MATTY

Milo had gone back down stairs to clean up the Broken glass and update everyone else on what was going on, as there was no way they hadn't heard Jem's bloodcurdling scream. I was still sat holding my sister, one arm tightly around her waste the other holding her head to my chest, her sobs had subsided to the occasional whimper. I looked at Sandra with pleading eyes for help, I was out of my depth and had no clue what to do or say. Sandra approached the bed and knelt down on the floor next to her. She placed a gentle hand on Jem's knee, Jem didn't pull away but I could feel her grip on my shirt get tighter at Sandra's touch.

"Jem sweetie" Sandra softly began "it's ok, your safe here. Can you tell us the problem?" Jem didn't look up from my chest but shook her head silently.

"Jem is it Steve?" I asked. I held my breath hoping for another head shake. But instead I felt a small nod, and my heart sank like a stone into the ocean.

"Please Matty, please don't make me call him I can't I can't please" Jem began to get worked up again.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, isn't that right Matty" Sandra firmly said

"Jem look at me" I placed my hand under her chin and pulled her face gently up to meet mine. "Talk to me Jem, did he hurt you?" Jem looked at me with huge doe eyes filled with tears and turned her face away, I turned it back towards me "Jem?" I said more firmly, She gave me the smallest of nods. I could feel my heart shatter, who knew your heart could break with the simplest of actions, just the smallest nod of the head. I took a deep breath and I placed my hand on her sleeve, the one she had pulled away from me earlier that same day, slowly and carefully I pulled it up to her elbow, she squirmed at first trying to stop me but reluctantly let me. Her arm was covered in bruises, marks and burns obviously a few days old some even older, I looked at them and could see finger marks where someone had held so tight they had left an imprint. She was wearing several bands and beads over her wrists and I feared what I would find if I removed them.

"Do you want to tell us what happened?" Sandra asked, Jem shook her head. "Do you want to show us?" Jem looked at me and flopped back into my chest gripping my shirt tight. Sandra stood up and closed the bedroom door.

"Ok sweetheart let's take a look shall we" she told Jem softly but firmly taking hold of her hands in hers sitting her up on the bed, indicating that she wasn't asking but instructing. Jem looked over at me again with her glistening eyes and shook her head, biting her lip to stop it quivering, I gestured for her to go ahead. Jem slowly stood up, her hands shaking uncontrollably.  Sandra helped to take her hoodie and leggings off and Jem stood with her back to me in her underwear looking down at the ground one arm gripping the other, rubbing one foot over the top of the other nervously still shaking like she was standing in sub zero temperatures. I observed her back which appeared to not only have I variety of bruises and marks but also what looked like whip marks from a belt or similar, as well as older scars.  Jem's ankles had marks around them that looked like she had been restrained and tied up with something like a rope. She had bruises all over her entire body, you could tell that they had all been received at different times as they had varying shades of fading on them. I had already noticed she had a slim build and had not seen her eat more than a few bites of anything, but in reality her frame was more than just a bit on the slim side, you could clearly see a few ribs, her spine and hip bones were more prominent than they should be, she looked like she hadn't had a good meal in months.

I rubbed my hand over my face unintentionally muttering out a "fucking hell". Jem shifted uncomfortably at my words, Sandra turned her to face me, her front was just as bad as her back and I could see what looked like burn marks on her torso, more bruising around her neck, collar bones, chest, thighs, hips there didn't seem to be a part of her that wasn't battered other than her face. She looked down at her arms and removed her bands from her wrists and placed them on the bed, I took her trembling hands and turned them over, there were large scars on her wrists some larger than others, some older than others and a few fresher looking ones that had not fully healed, plus what looked like the same restraint marks that were on her ankles. I stood up and pulled her trembling body closer to me holding her tight, feeling like I never wanted to let her go, as Jem covered her face with her hands and began to sob again. I had to keep her safe, I should have kept her safe.

Eventually Sandra pulled Jem gently away from my grip and helped her put her clothes back on. I sat on the bed my head held I my hands. I wanted to punch a whole in the wall and scream at the top of my lungs. How long had this been happening? How often? How could I have left her there with him? I knew he was a violent asshole but I never dreamed in a million years he'd touch Jem, How could mum have let this happen? Why didn't mum tell me? Did mum even know? How could she not!

"Matty...Matty..." I heard Sandra say tapping at me to snap out of it. "Jem needs you Matty, now"

I looked over at my fragile looking sister who was biting and chewing at her boney fingers and knuckles sat on her bed cross legged. She looked up at me with her sad doe eyes "I'm sorry Matty" she whispered

"This is not your fault do you hear me"

"Please don't send me back to him, please Matty I'll try to be good, I promise Matty, I'll try. I won't break anything else I promise, it was an accident, I'll try and do better" She desperately pleaded the panic once again rising in her voice.

"now you listen to me, there is nothing you could do that would make me send you back to that, do hear me nothing! Your my little Jem, and I'm not letting you go again, not ever, your stuck with me. I'm never leaving you again, EVER"

"Why did you leave me Matty?" She continued to cry. The question that I had been dreading the question that I didn't want to hear hit my heart like an icy blast.

" I'm so sorry Jem, I'm so so sorry. I didn't want to, I tried but they wouldn't let you come with me, I should have fought harder, I left them I didn't leave you, if I could go back and do things differently I would." As I said the words out loud, I realised although it was true, I had left Jem there, I didn't have a choice, but I had walked away and left her with them. I hoped that she would forgive me one day, and that one day I could forgive myself, if only I had known, I would never have left without her, I would have stayed and protected her from whatever hell she'd obviously been living in.