Finding Jemima

Icberg dead ahead

MATTY

I was concerned at Jem's reaction, something was just not right. I went into the living room and placed the packages in a draw, I didn't think it was the right time to open them, So I decided I would save them for now. I was so lost in my thoughts I hadn't noticed the extra people in the room, I then remembered that we had arranged for the boys parents to come round for a barbie, as a sort of welcome to the fold type thing for Jem. I instantly regretted not cancelling the event considering she wasn't settled in yet and things had been tense so far.

"How's it going Matty? the boys have been filling us in, you doing ok?" Sandra, Tom's mum asked in a kind motherly voice. All the mum's had been helpful, but Sandra in particular had been amazing at helping me out. After my grandparents died she had taken me under her wing and has treated me like one of her own ever since.  I told mum I was living with them and she didn't even try and talk me into coming back to England.

"I don't know if I can do this Sandra, I feel like I'm just getting everything wrong already." I said ruffling my hair.

"Welcome to parenthood son" she replied with a small smile "you have to give it time Matty she's young in a foreign country, she's just lost her mum, step dad, friends, it's going to take time."

"I know I know, it's not just that, there's just something just not quite right. She flinches, she's jumpy, barely speaks above a whisper, if she speaks at all, she hasn't eaten more than a few mouthfuls since she arrived, I just wish she would talk to me and open up, we used to be so close. Then there's this Felix guy, I don't know what to do about him."

"Boyfriend back in England" Tom piped up from the sofa.

"Ah I see" Sandra nodded "well that my dear that might just be a protective big brother issue. How much do you know about him or them?"

"Only what we've overheard on the phone, oh and she has a picture in her room of the two of them laying in a bed I think, they look quite cosy in it, he looks quite a bit older than her I reckon but I'm not sure. The phone call was well kinda inappropriate on his part from what we could hear. oh and she said he was drunk and high when he called!" Milo added to the conversation.

"Well it sounds like she's got more then one protective big brother on the case" Jackie, Max's mum chimed in.

I looked around at the boys and they all had small smiles playing on their faces. Before Jem had arrived we had all sat down and discussed everything and they were so supportive and I was so grateful for that. Each one of them had come to me individually and told me that they were going to treat Jem as if she was their own little sister. We were like one big dysfunctional unusual band family and I really hoped Jem would want to be a part of it.  I never used to shut up about my sister and how much I missed her, so the boys knew a lot about her and us, well the old her and the old us anyway. Some of the group dispersed into the garden to start barbecuing. Sandra sat with me continuing to offer her motherly advice and I listened intently hoping to pick up a few pointers.

"She's fifteen right?" I nodded at Sandra. "Well I know you said your mum had been ill for some years, so maybe she didn't get round to having certain conversations with Jem." I looked puzzled and Sandra raised her eyebrows at me, the penny dropped she was still talking about the Felix situation.

"Oh. OH... I Ummm..I don't know, to be honest I don't know anything about anything."

"Well sweetie just be honest, she'll appreciate it, trust me." Jackie patted me on the back reassuringly.

I looked up and saw Jem shyly peering round the door looking around at all the new faces. As soon as she met my gaze she hurried over to stand next to me her eyes fixed down at the floor avoiding eye contact with everyone. Jem's hand lingered next to mine and she placed her small hand in mine standing so close that our arms were touching. I was so confused, one minute she was flinching away from me the next clinging to me like her life depended on it, she was all over the place. I tried to introduce her to a few of the new faces, but she cowered and stepped behind me hiding her face behind my arm, like a shy toddler, clinging on to my hand with both of hers. I looked over at Sandra as if to say that this is what I had been talking about and she shot a concerned look back as if to say she understood. Eventually Jem slowly emerged from behind me and began engaging in small talk, She mainly nodded or shook her head rather than talking, but she didn't venture too far from my side, every time I moved she hurriedly followed me like she was my little shadow. We all went outside to join the others, we had a pool out back where Tom and Max were splashing about soaking each other. I saw Jem watching and smiling at their ridiculous antics.

"You can go join them if you want, they won't mind" I told her.

"I don't have a swim suit, I'm ok, can I stay with you?" She whispered holding on to my hand again as if to try to stop me from walking away from her. We went back into the kitchen hand in hand and I sat at the counter with Sandra and Milo. Jem went to get herself a glass of water.

"Oh crap" I exclaimed loudly "I completely forgot to ring Steve yesterday to tell him you got here ok, here Jem do you want to ring him? you can use my phone?" I offered out my mobile towards Jem who was standing by the sink with her glass of water. Jem stood there frozen, the colour drained from her already pale face and she looked like she had seen a ghost. I looked down at her hands and they were trembling, she was shaking her head at me while staring at the phone like it was a bomb about to go off, suddenly the glass fell from her trembling hand and shattered on the floor. She instantly dropped to her knees picking up the broken glass in a frantic manner cutting her fingers in the process, reapeating over and over almost chanting.

"no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry Matty, sorry, I'm sorry Matty, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry..." she was shaking all over.

"Jem it's ok it's just a glass, it's no big deal" I tried to reassure her. I looked over at Sandra and recognised a familiar concerned face that I had been pulling myself since yesterday. I crouched down in front of Jem who was still chanting and frantically picking up glass as if her life depended on it. I placed my hand on her cheek attempting to raise her face to mine. She flung her self backwards away from me, dropping the glass she had gathered in her hand, crawling backwards until she hit the cupboard behind her with a loud thump. Her hazel eyes were wide and fearful, her breathing heavy her body visibly trembling under the oversized hoodie she was still wearing.

"No no no no no no please no I'm sorry Matty I didn't mean to break it, I'm sorry" she repeated over and over. Sandra attempted to approach her and she flinched away.

"NO please I'm sorry I'm sorry please don't touch me please it won't happen again I'm sorry" she said even more frantically than before scrambling out the door and flying up the stairs with tears streaming down her face. I was hot on her heals followed by Sandra and Milo. She had ran into her room and was cowering on her bed tucked up into a little ball in the corner. "Please I'm sorry please don't please don't I'm sorry"

"Jem it's ok" I went to sit on the bed next to her, and she pulled away practically clawing at the walls to try and get further away from me.

"Don't touch me, DONT TOUCH ME, DONT TOUCH ME , NO NO NO NO NO" she was now yelling and sobbing holding her hands up to head with clumps of her hair in her hands. "I want Matty, I want Matty please please please Matty help me please I want my Matty " she pleaded through her heart wrenching sobs.

"I'm here Jem, I'm right here. It's me it's Matty, I'm here" I started desperately trying to reassure her. I grabbed her arm and pulled her towards me, and she screamed a blood curdling scream trying to pull away from me, her legs kicking out frantically, I tugged her again this time holding her in a bear hug like I used to when she was younger. She sobbed and clung to my shirt tucking her body into mine as close as she physically could, her tiny statue making it easy to do so. I sat there just rocking her, I glanced up at Sandra and Milo. Sandra was standing there her hand over her mouth tears in her eyes, milo with his hands on the back of his head a look of utter shock on his face. I placed my head on top of Jem's and shushed her just repeating "I'm here, Matty's here".