Finding Jemima

Secrets and lies

JEMIMA

I stood in my new tiny little room looking around. I grinned and thought wow this is actually not that bad. I had been sofa surfing since my mum went into hospital.  I'm not sure she knew I wasn't sleeping at home most nights, but I didn't want to stay alone in the house all night with Steve if I could help it. To be honest I had been sofa surfing for years, but she had never said anything, I'd usually sneak out a window, I think she was too busy with her own stuff to notice. I went to shut the door and realised there was no lock on it, great I'm in a house with five teenage boys and no lock on my damn door! I decided to air on the side of caution and took out some clothes from my case and took them to the bathroom, I didn't want them accidentally walking in on me, things were awkward enough already.

I took out some jeans and a loose fitting top still with long sleeves that covered most of my neck line as well plus some fresh underwear and toddled off to the bathroom to change. I changed quickly and went back to the floral room. There was a mirror on a dresser and I looked at myself over in it, realising bruises were visible on my neck I rummaged for the choker style necklace Tammy had given me before I left and put it on checking the mirror again, arranging my hair over my shoulders to cover my neck and collar bone.  My phone rang and I eagerly reached for it, FaceTime Felix was on the screen. I did a little skip and hopped onto the bed, instantly regretting my enthusiasm as the landing was painful, I clicked accept. But it just cut out. I slumped disappointed, moments later a text alert pinged up from Felix.
'Trying to FaceTime you but it's not working for some reason :('
Swiftly followed by another message.
'try Skype?'
I quickly grabbed my backpack that I had bought upstairs, took out my laptop and ran downstairs with it. I skipped into the living room scanning for my brother.

"Matthew?" I asked whispering cautiously before noticing he wasn't in the room.
"You looking for Matty?" A slightly confused voice asked.
It was the dark haired boy, damn it what was his name again? I realised I had said Matthew and maybe the boys hadn't heard people use Matty's full name before, so simply I just nodded at the boy, backing away slightly, I still couldn't place a name to the boy now starring at me.
"He's round here somewhere" he saw I was holding a laptop and continued, he gestured towards it "anything I can help with Jem?" I paused for a moment debating if I should ask him or wait for my brother before replying.
"Is it ok if I log into your WiFi?....please....if it's not too much trouble" I asked hesitantly.
"Sure, pass it here I'll set it up for you" they boy said.
I placed my laptop down on the coffee table and typed in my password before shuffling away swiftly. The boy knelt down at the table just as Matty walked in.

"Alright my little Jem?" Matty chirped.
"Just setting up her wifi mate" the boy called out not looking up from what he was doing. The screen came to life and I realised I had left it open on a music programme Felix had loaded on there for me. It was open on a page from a song we had been working on together. I rushed over muttering "oh sorry, let me close that" and quickly clicked off the programme. The boy glanced over at Matty raising an eyebrow clearly seeing it was a music programme and was intrigued. He went back to the laptop and started typing things in. I stood back up next my brother, when I realised how close I was standing I took a small side step widening the distance between us.
"What's the urgent need for WiFi?" He asked nonchalantly.
"Oh... erm... Fe...my bo....I mean my friend wants to skype, they tried FaceTime but it didn't work, is that ok Matthew?" I stuttered out.
"sure, What time is it over there? They must be keen." My brother enquired.
I shrugged my shoulders and accidentally let out a smile at the thought of seeing a Felix's smiley goofy face, I tried to cover it with my fingers not wanting to be obvious.
"Done" the boy cried out.
"Thank you...ummm... Tim?" I said hesitantly.
"Tom, and no problem Jem" He sniggered.
"Tom right sorry" I facepalmed.
I skipped out of the room with my laptop excitedly and headed back to the floral room, my mood instantly lifted at the thought of being able to see Felix.
"Where you going?" Matty called
"Private call" I practically sang as I walked up the stairs. "Oh and Tom..."
"Yeah?" He called up the stairs.
"The names 'EM', no ones called me Jem in years" I said in a very matter of fact but friendly tone. It was true and had to be said at some point before Jem stuck.

I sat back on the bed and started to skype Felix. For the first time since leaving England I was momentarily happy. Felix seemed pleased to see me and I couldn't stop smiling at him as he told me how much he missed me already. He asked how it all was and I filled him in on what little had happened so far. Felix was one of the few people I trusted, he didn't know everything, Peter was the one that I was closest to, the one that knew ALL my secrets, but Felix knew quite a few of them and it was so good to just hear his voice, actually it was nice to hear another London accent.

"You should just tell him you know" Felix tried to persuade me. "He's your brother, and your stuck there now till your eighteen. Best start things off on the right foot, no secrets, no lies you know, unless your running away to come back to me that is"

"I know he's my brother but he doesn't feel like MY BROTHER, you know what I mean, not yet anyway. It's like talking to a stranger. Anyway, new place, new start, clean pallets and all that" I tried to convince him, or was I trying to convince my self. "And you know I would if I could, but I'm stuck here, I'll try and arrange a visit soon I can't ask him now, I just got here, or you can come visit."

"Yeah I get that, but I know you, and I know your going to find this all tuff and I'm worried. I'm allowed to be, I am your boyfriend after all even if I am stuck all the way over here. If something happens I'm not just round the corner anymore, I can't help you" he continued to try and explain his point of view. "And I'm sooo visiting as soon as I can!"

"Alright alright, I'll think about it ok. It's just it's a lot you know, I wouldn't know how to even start telling him, I'm not exactly an easy case am I, besides there are less triggers here, and I'm not lying I'm just not giving him full disclosure into my life, it's different." I protested.

"Ok, ok, geez I forgot how feisty you were." He laughed "I gotta go The boys are here but we'll talk soon yeah, and remember anytime just ring don't worry about the time difference. Oh don't forget be bad ass Em" Felix grinned down the lens blowing a kiss and making a rock and roll sign with his hand.

"Be bad ass Felix" I replied with the same gesture of a kiss and a rock and roll sign.

After I'd finished Skype with Felix. I lay down on the bed and I couldn't fight my eyes closing any longer. Jet lag had finally caught up with me I think. Sleep was hard for me to come by usually so I would tackle Matty later but for now sleep was calling me and I couldn't resist it.