Finding Jemima

I waited but you never came

JEMIMA

William had the taxi take us to the beach house, the boys knew of its existence but they didn't know exactly where it was so wouldn't be following us here.  The taxi pulled up outside, William paid the man and picked up a hold-all from the back seat before opening the door for me. He unlocked the beach house and let me in, walking to his room where he dumped the bag on the floor.

"What's that?" I asked pointing to the bag.

"I grabbed you some stuff from mine, just some extra clothes, spare toothbrush and a few other bits, I've got a few things I've left here but not much." I looked at him confused. "You can stay here as long as you want or need to ok, I thought you could borrow my clothes until then, or I can go back to yours and get some of your things if you like...."

"No I don't think that's a good idea William, you'd probably end up fighting with Matty, I don't want that please."

"Hey it's ok, I'm glad you called me, I got there as quickly as I could baby. I was so worried about you." He kissed my forehead wrapping his warm arms around me pulling me into his chest.

"I just feel so stupid. I just lost control." I shook my head sadly

"It's going to be ok, I've got you now, no one bloody yells at you like that Jemima, I won't have it."

"He's my brother he was just worried William, but thank you"

"I'm sorry I just get so wound up when it comes to you"

"I can't believe he forgot. I mean I know she didn't love me..."

"What do you mean of course she did"

"No she didn't" I shook my head "she even said so in her letter to Matty."

"So why haven't you been eating Jemima, you'd been doing so well"

"I just needed to be punished"

"What!"

"I was thinking so many bad things about mum, I shouldn't think the things I was thinking"

He squeezed me tighter rubbing my back. "You don't need to punish yourself ok"

"I'm just so stupid"

He lifted my face to his "You are NOT stupid and I'm proud of you for ringing me, I know what you were thinking of doing, but you didn't you rang me instead." He rubbed under my bands, I had indeed been contemplating a different form of punishment for myself. "Now do you want to stay here for a few days while things cool off, you were coming to mine in a couple of days anyway for New Years or do you want me to take you back? It's up to you."

"Will you stay with me?"

"If you want me to" I nodded "then I'm all yours baby."

William went out to get us some provisions for a few days, I still had food splashed over my clothes from my binge fest so I rummaged through the hold-all William had bought with him finding one of his dress shirts crumpled at the bottom I pulled it out putting it on over my underwear, I didn't bother with trousers as it was too hot anyway. I rinsed my clothes off in the kitchen sink to remove some of the food, then I sat in a rocking chair hugging my knees staring at my phone. I needed to tell the boys I was safe even if I didn't want to see them right now, I was too embarrassed about my outburst and I just needed a break from everything, I needed to get out of my own head for a few days and being stuck in that house was suffocating me. I scrolled through the numbers biting at my fingers, a nervous habit I had picked up over the years, it wasn't like a nail biting chew more of an actual chewing at my fingers or knuckles sometimes when I was really stressed I'd end up leaving little teeth marks on my skin without even realising I had done it, I was debating which one of the boys to ring, or whether to just group text, I decided to ring Tom.