Finding Jemima

Mums last words

MATTY

Another month past and we had slowly managed to regain some level of normality. Jem was getting better, she still had rough days, and nights were still extremely hard, but she had started to talk to us more and only had a few silent days now and then. I was eternally grateful for Max stepping up and taking the lead with Jem, he had been amazing. We continued to work in the studio daily making up for lost time. Jem was eating more but I was still concerned about how skinny she now looked. When she reached for something on a shelf her top would ride up and you could see her hip bones sharply pertroding above her once tight but now loose fitting trousers. She caught me looking a few times and self consciously would pull down at her top or put a hoodie on to cover up. Her arms looked like they would snap if you pulled them too hard! She looked even more paler than she usually did and was often cold. Max was really good at getting her to eat a little and I tried my best to follow his lead, but I guess I wasn't as patient, as I would usually get frustrated with her end up pushing her too hard to eat more resulting in her retreating away.

Last night was a really rough night, Felix's rock band had released a song 'I'll fuck your pain away' and it was playing on the radio, the lyrics were obviously about Jem, and I was fuming as her brother I couldn't listen to the explicit lyrics about my fragile little sister, especially after finding out he was twenty! Ed had found an interview he had done with his band a week ago and rushed to show me, repeating 'he's fucking twenty' at me several times while I scrunched my face up at him until I'd clocked the slimy bastard on Ed's tablet screen looking arrogantly cocking and a little stoned. I decided against asking Jem about their relationship again, deciding to leave the topic until she was more stable.

Jem had fallen asleep on the sofa after insisting she was fine and that it was just a song, but we could all tell it had taken her a bit by surprise. We left her to sleep as we went through some paper work in the kitchen, watching her toss and turn and whimper in her sleep. She still had not slept in a bed, you could tell even going into a bedroom was a struggle for her. Jem sat bolt upright on the sofa screaming, we all rushed over and I held her tight as she sobbed into my chest.

"I'm sorry" she wept

"Right you need a good nights sleep no arguments" max said with authority looking over at me for approval, I nodded at him and he scooped Jem up in his arms carrying her up the stairs to his room placing her in his bed, I followed them up, you could see Jem was shaking with fear.

"No no max please I can't"

"Hey it's just me, I've got you, your safe and Matty's here as well look"

"I'm scared, I can't"

"You can and you will, now budge over" max said still using his authoritative but gentle voice, Jem did as he instructed making room for max to lay next her.

"Now I'm going to hold you and I'm not letting go, ok?" He asked placing his arm around Jem and pulling her towards him as she placed her head on his chest and she nodded, her body still visibly shaking.

"And Matty's going to lock the door and sit by it, no ones coming in ok your safe."

I took Max's lead and locked his door then pulled his beanbag across the room and placed it by the door, plonking myself on top of it blocking the door frame. Jem slowly sobbed herself to sleep on my friends chest, I couldn't help but feel like I should be the one she was snuggled up with, but just let the scene play out in front of me.

"Matty?" Max whispered across the room once he heard the subtle steady breathing of a sleeping Jem on his chest.

"Yeah?"