Finding Jemima

Arthur

William sat on a lounge chair and I sat on his lap looking at the gift, a beautiful silver bracelet with a small heart bead threaded onto it with 'Arthur' engraved on it.

"I didn't mean to make you cry Jemima, sorry" he apologised rubbing the tears away from my cheeks. "You don't have to wear it"

"No I love it William, it's just so...so...personal...I can't believe you did this."

"I just thought maybe it would be a way of keeping Arthur close to you. I wanted to show you that I'm ok with the situation, with him, I know you were worried about my reaction, It doesn't change the way I feel about you Jemima, in fact it just makes me love you more."

"That's really sweet William, it's weird hearing him referenced with a name though, it's usually 'him' or worse 'it' I hate it when people say it." I shook my head looking at my lap.

"From now on he's Arthur and you can talk about him as much as you want.....Jemima what happened to him?...like where is he?"

"He's um....Steve he...he buried him in the garden...in a shoe box I think, he was so small when he...he was too early...he was too tiny.....and with all the kicking and punching he just couldn't hold on.  I kept him a secret from everybody for so long, even Peter didn't know I was pregnant for over five months, I guess not eating much keeps you small anyway, I was just so scared to tell anyone, Peter knew about the physical abuse but not the sexual abuse, I was afraid to tell him I was pregnant cos then he would know. At first I didn't know what to do or whether I even wanted him, I thought because he was half Steve's I wouldn't love him, but as soon as I felt him move that was it, he was mine not Steve's! As soon as peter found out he said he was going to tell his dad that the baby was his and I could go and stay with them until we could get hold of Matty somehow, midnight blue were playing in London, Wembley I think it was, peter said he was going to try and talk to Matty, he was waiting by their tour bus but he couldn't get anywhere near them, it was that night that Steve found out too, he'd been working away for a few months so I'd managed to keep it all from him as well, he went ballistic, like he was possessed or something he just kept kicking my little bump over and over, then he dragged me to my room and locked me in, then left me there on my own until....he...I mean Arthur....he was just so tiny, But you could tell he was mine, he looked like Matty. I wrapped him in a blanket and held him for three hours, I didn't want to let him go but Steve eventually came in and took him off me then locked me back in.  I don't think I ever got over having to say goodbye before I got to hello properly, I'm not sure I ever will." I started to cry again.

"oh Jemima, baby it's ok. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. You know your good at keeping secrets, I didn't have a clue about anything when we were at school, I just presumed the bruises were dance injuries or something, it must have been so hard for you." William pulled me in close to him stroking my hair, the boys appeared and sat around us.

"Everything ok?" Matty asked placing a hand on my knee.

"Yeah Matty, Sorry it's my fault" William said deflated.

"No I'm fine, it's just...William got me a really nice present" I sobbed.

"Then why is that making you cry?" Max asked confused, a slight anger laced in his voice.

"William can you help me put it on please?" I asked him, managing to stifle my sobs, he smiled knowingly and took it out of the box clipping it onto my wrist, rubbing my scars gently with his thumb as he did, I hadn't put any bands on today having not expected to see anyone other than the boys. I cupped his cheeks in my hands and kissed him softly ignoring the fact that my brothers were watching us. Matty cleared his throat and I laughed.