My Heaven And My Hell

Elisa 6/30/2001

Jenny POV

We've only talked on the phone. I just can't handle seeing Nikki and not be able to hold him. He's made his choice now we both have to live with it. I can hear my sister and mom downstairs making breakfast as I try to write, but I'm distracted. My Mother has been trying to convince me to call Nikki when the baby comes. I am being stubborn. It would just complicate things. I won't tell him he can't see the baby. It's just I know I'll feel emotionally vulnerable.
"Oh damn that hurt." I wince. I wait for another. I look at my watch and count the minutes. Five minutes later another contraction. I keep timing.

"Momma." I slowly make my way slowly downstairs. "It's time." My mom takes my arm and helps me to the car while my Sister gets my bag.

"Do you want me to call him Jenny?" My Sister asks.

"No Jolene." I groan the pain is getting intense. My Sister sighs and gives me a sympathetic look. She backs away as my Mom pulls the car out of the drive.

At the hospital it always seems to take forever to check you in. I close my eyes as I breathe through the pain. This is not my first rodeo, but I've learned each birth is different. The Woman finally finishes pestering for information and I'm wheeled to my room. They go to move me to my bed I hold up my hand and signal them to wait as my stomach hardens with another contraction. I moan softly. After it passes I let them help me to the bed. The doctor comes in to check me. I whimper as he examines me during a contraction.

"Good you are dilated to a five you're already halfway there." He cheerfully states and then bounces out of the room before I could tell him what I thought of his halfway there.

"Momma!" I closed my eyes as the pain hits again. She pushes my hair behind my ear and whispers encouragement. I've started to go internal to deal with labor. My Mom gently wipes the sweat off my face and smiles.

"You're doing so well," she whispers to me. She holds my hand. "Jenny he should be here. Whether you want him as a mate or not, Your Daughter still needs him as her Daddy." Another contraction hits and tears slide down ckeeks. My Momma wipes them away.

Nikki's POV

"Daaaad." Gunner rushes into the bedroom.

"Whaaaat?" I laugh. Then I notice he looks worried.

"Charlie just called. Mamma Jenny is having the baby." He answers out of breath.

"What hospital?" I ask staying calm. He fills me in on the details.

"Dad don't worry I'll cover you here." He reassures me.

"You know?" I ask

"We're not stupid, me and Decker." He smirks. "Are we going to get to see our sister?" He gets serious.

"I don't know what's going to happen. I'll let you know when I do." I say as I hug him.

I rush to the car and head to the hospital not knowing what reception I'm going to get when I get there. I just know I want to be there.

Arriving there I see her Mom talking to a nurse. She turns and smiles when she sees me.

"Who called?" She asks as she hugs me.

"Charlie." I grin.

"He's good boy." She smiles. She takes me by the hand and leads the way. "You know I remember you and I still don't know if I'm impressed." She leaves me alone at Jenny's door. I open it and I wait for her to open her eyes.

"Nikki you're here." She says. I watch her wince in pain. I feel helpless I take her hand and kiss it.
"I wouldn't be anywhere else." I Say softly. The doctor comes in a moment later. "

"I need to check her You should wait outside." He looks at me.

"No he can stay," she moans in pain. "I need to push." She whimpers. He checks her and grins.

"It's time you're completely effaced and dilated to a ten." He tells her. Her Mother comes back in and takes her place on one side. I take the other this is happening fast. We help Jenny press forward and doctor tells her to push. The nurse watches her closely and tells her rest after each contraction ends. After a couple more pushes the doctor says he can see her head.

"One more good hard push" the doctor says. We help Jenny press forward and she finally cries out. "That's it I got the baby." The doctor says. I ease Jenny down she's panting from the assertion. I watch her smile as she hears her daughter's first cries. The doctor glances at me and he asks if I'd liked to cut the cord.

"Yes, yes I would." I smile happily.

After her first breastfeeding my daughter now sleeps in my arms She's a perfectly healthy girl weighing 7pd 5oz. and 20 inches long. Jenny has named her Elisa which I think is beautiful. I know I've fallen. It was love at first sight. I want to be her Dad. It means owning up to things I've done and risking my marriage again. I hold her close to me and know she is worth it. I know something else too. I still love Jenny.