My Heaven And My Hell

Always So Strong 12/15/2004

Author's note: we're doing the Time Warp...boom!

Nikki's POV

I'm ecstatic to be playing with the guys again. The Aol session was amazing, but here I'm driving around LA not wanting to go home. The last few years my marriage has been crumbling. I tried everything after reconciling with Donna sorta. Nothing seemed to make her happy. Not even my sincerest apologies. I don't put the blame completely on her the arguments haven't been one sided. It wasn't going to work unless we forgave each other and she couldn't or just wouldn't. She now just spends money and avoids me. Sex is just a release, when she wants it. Jenny has distanced herself as much as she can with me still seeing the kids. A month after Elisa was born she just turned cold and the conversation is only about the children now. The closest I got to her was when we found out Mary had autism. Once she dealt  with her emotions I was shut out again. I'm proud of her though she's writen six novels all on the best seller's list. She's dated some I cringe everytime I see her with someone new. She has a friend that lives with her. I think she's more of a hanger on. I'm on my way through the strip I grance at the Whiskey. There's Jenny going inside with her friend. I pull over and park and make my way inside. It's not unusual for her to go to concerts she likes to check out new bands. Once inside I look for her. I really want to see her. Finally I spy her at the bar, she's fall down drunk and talking to a loser guy. I'm ok till his hand starts sliding up her thigh and he tries for a kiss. I grab the son of a bitch and slam my fist into his face he goes down and is out cold. Picking up Jenny I'm out of there. I take her to my car and dump her into the passenger seat. I get in and take off for her home. She's drunk and pissed off at my interuption.

"You had no right!." She slurs.

"Seriously You can't have wanted to fuck him!" I yell.

"It's none of your business. Don't you have a wife to go tend to!" She screams. This is a side I haven't seen. I've never see her drunk she's been sober for years

"Well I've made it my business. I don't what anyone like him around my kids!" I glare at her.

"No man I just met goes around my kids! You are such a prick!" She Raises her voice and then goes silent. She crosses her arms across her chest and gives me an occasional dirty look as I drive her home. Once there she stumbles out of the car and goes inside with me following behind. The house is quiet except for the snoring mastiffs who glance up and then go back to dosing. No babysitter waiting up or Charlie peaking down making sure his mom is home safe.

"Where are the kids?" I ask.

"Staying with my parents for a week." She mumbles as she slowly makes her way up the stairs. She's almost crawling, but she won't except my help. As we reach the top I try to steady her, she slaps my hands away.

"I don't need your help." She growls "I been without you for years and I'm doing fine. I make my own money! I pay my own bills! I keep my publishers happy! I take care of my own children!" She rants. "You know Charlie's joined band." Her eyes are glazed and dilated.

"I know baby." I whisper. It's like all her strength goes all at once and she starts to slip to the floor. I catch her and carry her to bed. She's so light. She's lost so much weight it scares me. I lay with her and hold her close as she sleeps. Running my hands down her body I feel her bones. How did I not notice this. I don't want to snoop but I do it anyway. I reach into the pocket of her evening coat and pull out a small baggy it looks like cocaine.